What defines us
by raviza
Summary: Izaya and Kadota are secretly in a romantic relationship. When Shizuo finds out that unbelievably makes Shizuo and Kadota best buddies. Meanwhile Vorona steps in their lives and Shizuo gets close to her, trying to form his own first romance. So can a particular informant accept that? And there is a somnambulism (sleepwalking) problem that might be too serious. Eventual Shizaya.
1. Fancy meeting you here!

**...**

**What defines us**

**...**

Chapter one:

**Fancy meeting you here!**

...

It was already after midnight when Shizuo and his boss reached around their neighborhoods. It wasn't unusual for their job to take time longer than other careers. Sometimes for finding debtors, they had to go a long distance. Sometimes when their debtors had moved, they had to go several places to collect money just from one customer. They could've been considered good at what they were doing. Even if it was loan sharking! Tanaka Tom was a considerate person and his history with Shizuo guided him to help his friend so he could've kept that job more than all his former careers. Even though they had to work overtime off and on, but that night was a wonderful one. All the debtors had paid their loans without a begrudged and there was no trigger that cause Shizuo's anger. Besides that there was no gang issue, no stupid bully, no distraction, no Izaya. A marvelous calm and peaceful night was about to end just like that. When those two separated, Shizuo had a genuine smile all over his handsome face. He was completely satisfied within his day. Then he thought 'Why can't all the days be like that?'… But he had to pray more; because the most dangerous person that he had known in his whole life wasn't an inept. He was someone who always did his ruining job thoroughly. That night, even thought all that happened in a whole unlike manner, it wasn't any exception.

When Shizuo get near his apartment and while he was passing through those empty of passers alleys, he suddenly stopped. His all structure became tense. And despite his cigarette's scent which had filled his aura, he sniffed to denote something in the air… like a true beast. He could've felt it. That wasn't all about smell, one might call it sixth sense… but all that mattered to Shizuo was that man's poisonous odor which could cause the most unpleasant reacts. He was around. There was no doubt that Izaya was there. Shizuo looked around but there was no one to see. So when he didn't know where the parasite was, there was no helping it. He couldn't get rid of him. He continued walking again slowly, hoping that the wind might bring some more of flea's scent his way, then he could crush him for good. Even as someone who was against violent, he was shaking with boiling passionate! Insomuch he was who he was… the monster of Ikebukuro.

And there he was. Beside a wall, in some dark side of an alley, standing all alone by himself. He was fairly close to the place that Shizuo felt it first, not something that a normal human can do. He verily could've smelled it, the scent of Izaya. But something was off. It was too dark at that spot so he couldn't say for sure… but it was look like that the man who was standing there weren't leaning over the wall. He was facing it and with some more steps, Shizuo was confident of his sight to be sure about what he had seen. When Shizuo continued moving towards the guy a weird sound came to his ears. And a little further so he could've saw that the man was scratching with a sharp object on the wall. It was surly a weird sight to see at that hour of night. A grown up man in a dark alley was carving scribes on a wall! It took some moments for his almost slow brain so Shizuo could notice that the man wasn't wearing Izaya's typical outfit. But that man was cap a pie black, like the devil Izaya was. They weren't brands and despite dimness of alley he could tell that the guy was in some slack suits. Witnessing that outlook made him doubt about his original assumption for some moments. The smell was too strong; but there was a little chance that the man might be someone else and even though he scattered creeps, that wasn't enough to smash his skull to the wall. Despite his always irrational character and because he wasn't in the mood to ruin his great day by some stupid mistake; he stepped some more so he could've stood about two meters behind the freak. Then he decided to break the silent in a different manner from their normal routine with Izaya. And in the meanwhile the raven was scratching and scratching!

"F-flea?!"

But no response in result. After some dormant moment, Shizuo was about to lose it in all terms and already started mumbling curses. He thought whoever the freak was, he should have responded when someone was talking to him! But… normal people wouldn't answer if others were calling them flea out of blue, right? So He tried to be patient, at least as much as possible for him but enough to give him another chance. Howbeit among all the questions that he could come up with, like 'What are you doing?' or 'Why are you here?', he chose a weird one.

"I-is that you, flea?"

But again, he didn't react. Actually it wasn't like that he noticed someone else was behind him. Maybe he didn't hear his accompany. So Shizuo tried louder as a last chance while swearing and with a growling background.

"WHO ARE YOU?!"

The unearthly voice made him fidget lightly and stopped engraving right away. Then he slowly turned around. They were in the dark side of alley and the questioner couldn't see his face thoroughly. Nonetheless when he started talking, there was no more unasked to be questioned. He was who he was… the parasite of Ikebukuro.

"… Who…?"

And what else was there to be done? Shizuo raised his twitching hand and grabbed his collar then pulled Izaya his way and up to be in a counter pose with his own. No reaction from him all along. And by heavenly coincidence, at the same moment a passing car through the across street brought them what was most needed; light. And Shizuo saw that. That face, those fazed eyes that didn't seem like they were observing anything, no blazing flare was there to be seen. And that pale skin which veritably might belong to a corpse from the kingdom of dead. His lips were slightly apart in an astonished demeanor. No smirk, no intelligence at all. The light was gone in a blink of an eye; but then keeping him face to face and even touching him wasn't enough to convince Shizuo that this thing was his nemesis, Izaya.

"… You-"

If it was really Izaya, it had to be a different aspect of him; something that Shizuo never knew about. But how could that be possible? They were at each other throat for so many years. They knew everything about each other. Then a light whisper cracked his chain of thoughts.

"Who… am I?"

Now that wasn't funny at all. Shizuo was trying hard to figure out some features of that face in front of him, but after an instant light it was a hard task to do. There were just some shadows. Anyhow if the guy had doubt about his identity, how could Shizuo say that he knew him? Maybe he wasn't Izaya for real and just some amnesiac guy with the same face and sound as his mortal enemy! Or maybe he was the risen soul of the stupid flea from the hell, forgetting all the disasters that he caused and now playing another demonic game to amuse his own bizarre taste of humor. That thought made Shizuo to stiffen his grip which had loosened slightly a moment ago. He pulled the man a little more, so their forehead somewhat about to bump.

"You dare to ask me that? Ah? Are you really asking that? Because I would be beyond happy to give you the proper answer through some remindful acts… like throwing your ass all the way to Shinjuku! How is that to you?!"

After finishing his train of threats he shagged him sorely. All he got in return was a faltered and shaky voice which was asking the same question some moment later.

"W-who a-am I?"

He gulped angrily. Was it a nightmare?!

"Are you… really…? Are you Izaya?!"

"I-Iz-… I-Izaya?"

You're joking, right?!

"What? You can't even remember your damn name?"

"Who am I? Who… who am I? Who? Who-who-wh-"

He was talking with a soft and monotone voice and then he gasped. His empty eyes were locked somewhere behind Shizuo. When he turned around to check what was there, he couldn't see a thing. It was too dark to confirm if there was actually anything. He turned back and stared hard at Izaya so he might be able to see any of his features. This time a little more caring and despite his wracked temper, he asked.

"Izaya?! Why are you here? What happened to you? You really… can't remember?"

"Who- am- w-who- a-"

"Hey Izaya, I'm talking to you damn flea!"

"Who-o a-? Who-who-"

Shizuo was already at the edge of scooping that beautiful head from the original place and shooting it all the way to the night sky. But he had to endure; he had to endure all those moronic monologues… why?! Because he was a patient person? Or because he cared about that damn piece of crap? Or because it wasn't right to hurt someone so defendless? Or… No! Just a little more of that current was capable of making him to change his dreamy day with hell and in result a broken neck for the man at his mercy. The slow torture wasn't about to end just yet, so the murmurings.

"Who-who… w-who- a-"

"Izaya!"

"W-who ar- who-"

"IZAYA!"

He roared his name and shocked the helpless man harshly. And that could've startled him eventually. He stopped his mumbling and his stravaig gaze found his way to the other's face. His gape still hollow but they were looking right through Shizuo's eyes. His dry lips opened silently and take some moment before he could found his voice.

"Who are you?"

"...!"

Before he knew the thing that was craving the wall some minutes earlier, was dived deep in his left forearm which was grabbing the other man's collar. Izaya's left hand was lifelessly dangled along his hanged body, and his right was connecting to the object. That familiar element. Even if Izaya was in another world, his switchblade knew his prey's body very well. He drew out the knife from the ripped arm and swung it in the air. In a flash of time, before Shizuo could put some space between them, he had aimed at his throat. All that Shizuo could do was to sacrifice his already wounded forearm as a shield. He let go of the man in his grip and hold his new scratch tightly with his right hand. The shock of actions pushed them apart. Standing in their new position, Shizuo could've saw Izaya's face in a foggy river of light from a near window. His blank eyes were the same, but a murderous grin had covered his face. His head faintly was limbering to the right where his jaw was about to touch his right shoulder, as his right hand was uprising the switchblade in a straight arrow towards Shizuo.

"Why don't we have some fun?"

That sound was coming from Izaya's mouth which that night at extreme had made some mumbling sounds. Now the same mouth was talking all minatory and threatening in a vicious sound. Hearing that made Shizuo's eyes widen at full capacity. It was certain now that Izaya wasn't conscious, but he was as dangerous as ever… if not more. But even with turning the table Shizuo didn't ditch, but he didn't attack either. If it was normal circumstances then they weren't standing there by the time. Shizuo was busy grabbing and throwing objects from the streets towards the flea; And Izaya was busy fleeing by jumping all over the city from the beast. But it wasn't normal even for them. So when unexpectedly Izaya was the one who's attacking, Shizuo didn't retreat the blow and just moved from the knife's line which was aiming at his heart. But luckily Izaya was slower than his usual self so Shizuo was able to make it in time.

Izaya snickered again, obviously enjoying their competition even in such a time that he wasn't aware of his own actions. Without wasting any time he aimed at the beating heart again, where the crimson fluids were pumping through that monster's vessels. He had drawn some of them before, and he wanted more. More and more until he could be satisfied. This time when he reached the beast in the middle of alley, there was more resistance compare to last try. Shizuo grabbed his right arm which was ahead of him and without so much force, pulled him in across the original direction. Then he let go of his hand and he bounced some steps in the forced road. But before he had managed his own balance, his swift body turned around and switchblade was pointing at the beast's neck. And that was it. Izaya was slower than always and if anybody asked, Shizuo was already bored of that game. He grabbed Izaya's right wrist. Before forcing him to drop the knife by squeezing it, his left hand was on his converse shoulder. Izaya growled a little but before any other act and in a fleet movement; Shizuo slogged the feathery body and slammed it to the wall.

His beaten body was brutally smacked that bearing the pain instantly was impossible. He inhaled deep repeatedly so the wave of agony passes through him. His eyes were shutting by genuine force in some way that he won't lose any concentration to erasing pain. In those moments Shizuo was standing above him, not sure of leaving him by himself in that conditions. But then suddenly the sounds of breathing stopped. Informant with his closed eyes looked froze for a while before the force on his eyelids were taken and his dumbstruck gaze start wondering around. The first thing that captured his eyes was the man right in front of him. Shizuo was standing there not sure how to react. He was ready if the man was about to attack him again so he could put him down for good this time. But those movements weren't the same as before. Those pirouettes of raven's head confirmed that he wasn't anymore possessed but just bewildered. Seemingly the beatings brought some sense to him. Now Shizuo could've put up a tranquil smile after that crazy countdown.

Izaya had experienced that multiple times before. When he woke up around the city and found out that he had gone far away from his home and done things that he didn't even remember. Once he found out that he had took a cab to take him out of city and paid with his credit cart. When he woke up in the middle of nowhere, he was digging a hole with his bare hands. Once he paid for a gun with traceable cash and then he had to go through some headaches to make sure there would be no upcoming troubles after that.

Now he was sitting lost in an unknown region and the beast was smiling dominantly aloft him. He felt humiliated above all that. He stared hard at the blond who stared back at him. It was still too dark to see each other's features clearly… they stayed silent for a long pause. Then Izaya took his eyes from the other and started to check other things. He could've felt that the pain was almost gone. There was no sign of any fractured bones. So the strike that put him there wasn't that hard. Had Shizuo hold back his strength? Consternation wasn't even close enough to describe his situation. If he found himself on a jet on the way of traveling to the moon, he would be less shocked. Compared to find himself at his nemesis's foot and knew that when he could've, he didn't finish him off. Without him realizing, the man in his thoughts come one step toward him. Then by hearing his voice, Izaya flinched.

"Tell me that you didn't know what you were doing!"

What was he talking about? Weren't that situation an after fight one? Why was he asking him that…? Did he do something out of ordinary? But he couldn't remember anything, even the fight. He looked up at the man, deciding to come up with a wringing story for the moment or just… let it be. He didn't have any constraint to explain anything to his enemy. He had enough for the night. So he just sprang from there and didn't even get a glimpse of Shizuo. He started running in an unknown direction. Firstly Shizuo get on guard by agile movement, but after Izaya had dashed in the darkness, he noticed that he was just walked out on.

"What the hell?!"

He scratched his head lightly and stood there and watched the way which Izaya had disappeared before he lit a cigarette. His wounded arm wasn't something to be bothered about. Anyway when he reaches his apartment he could've done something about it. Maybe washing it with water and using some sticks.

He stopped for a brief moment and looked at the direction that flea had run and then he walked his way home. If he didn't get what was going on, so there was a high chance that Izaya was scheming something. But he didn't feel like chasing after him at that moment. So… let it be.

…

…

It was a week after Shizuo and Izaya's awkward encounter. They didn't meet for the whole week. Even though that night Shizuo told himself that he should make sure about Izaya's thing; but He didn't bother to waste his time to go and choke Izaya after getting answers. He was in real peace those days. Three days before that there was a new employee as his kohai. He never had someone like that. He never was a senpai at his job! There was no time to go wild and chase after some parasite when he was on the clouds. At least it was what he told himself; but when the day came at the second that his eyes got a glimpse of named parasite, he was heading his way.

In normal days if he had seen Izaya, he would throw the nearest heavy object at him. Not caring about people around him. They should've known better to keep their distance. But that day he was just walking after him. It was more like stalking if anyone saw the elements there. Izaya who had his typical outfit that day was almost hoping up and down in a childish manner most the time. He turned streets and headed to alleys and then turned from alleys to streets and then all over again. But Shizuo could tell that he was almost getting on a straight line in the city. It was fabulous in some way. And at a turn he just stopped there by putting his hand on the brick wall of the corner building and lean right on the edge of it. Shizuo could tell that there was another person on the other side of the building whom he was talking to.

'So he came all this way to meet someone?'

He stepped closer carefully because If Izaya just turned his way; he was completely exposed without having any blind spot there. But by all coincident the flea didn't look his way until he could reach a vending machine near them. When he was close enough to hear their voices, he clasped first thing that came his way.

"Did I make you wait too much, darling~?"

Before the other found the chance to answer him, Izaya's body had wrenched with his right hand on the former place where Shizuo could still see it. He was hunkering to reach whoever was behind the wall. Even a blind man could tell that they were kissing.

'He has a lover?!'

That question didn't have a palatable flavor so he just answered it to fit situation in his own taste as much as possible.

'No way! It's probably just someone whom Izaya thinking of her as another toy. Damn flea!'

Just after agreeing on that theory with himself, he saw something that was more shocking of Izaya's state some nights ago. A huge and clumsy hand with a coarse sleeve was finding his way over Izaya's back and was cuddling him little by little to a huge.

'A man?!'

There were probably some whispers between them because he couldn't hear any words after the first sentence from Izaya. Shizuo didn't know why but there and then he felt that he played enough hide and seek. So it was right time to come out. But maybe it wasn't the wisest decision because when he was grumping angrily and heading over them by losing his hiding place; the happy couple turned his way and there was no more place to hide for better or worse. Now Izaya was slightly behind the other man. Three of them spend a brief but like eternity moment of silent in their own worlds. And realization already came to them.

"Kadota?!"

"Sh-Shizuo?!"

Kadota was a wither shade of pale for being caught red-handed. After faltering Shizuo's name, he was such a lovely dumbstruck puppet to Izaya, standing there all panicked and now blushing. On the other hand Izaya who had his composure completely, with most trickery slid his plum hand from Kadota's right shoulder to his waist. He rested his hand there and then pulled Kadota's heavier body slightly towards his own slim one. His chin was on Kadota's left shoulder while he was blowing briefly in his ear. After posing like he was looking at a camera in Shizuo's way, he felt blessed because he knew well that his game had a great start.

"Fancy meeting you here, Shizu-chan~!"

Then that familiar smirk was there. Like the mischievous grin of Cheshire cat. It was always there.


	2. Sworn testimony

Chapter two:

**Sworn testimony**

…

"Fancy meeting you here, Shizu-chan~!"

After hearing that, both of Shizuo and Kadota were getting goose bumps. It was obviously a demonic set up and they had to suck it up whether they like it or not. Izaya was standing tranquilly behind Kadota while that victorious smile covering his gorgeous face. His right hand still resting on the former place on Kadota's waist and his left found its way craftily from the other's left shoulder to the built chest. Kadota shivered at that treat. He probably preferred to pull his beanie all the way down so his flushed face could hide even more and Izaya's touches weren't helping him at all. On the other side witnessing such a bizarre event even dried Shizuo's sworn and left him completely speechless. Kadota was waiting for Shizuo to say something; Izaya was enjoying being able to flirt in that extent with Kadota in front of someone else and finally Shizuo was… just dumbstruck. So when the silent mood took longer than expected, Izaya was ready to move forward before that even someone like Kadota haply to end up acting violent. But he stood in the same pose as before and didn't let go of Kadota just yet.

"Is that it? You two want to stand the rest of day here all frizzed like some stupid azoic creatures in the ice age?"

His annoying voice to Shizuo's ears functioned like a key that had ability to open the lock of the man's tongue and likely his whole structure. His puzzled face transformed to an infuriated one and his head went down little by little to zoom on the earth under his feet while he started swearing in a low voice. In a second later blond's hand reached to that unfortunate vending machine which he had used it as a shelter just a little while ago… and then he lift it as a threat. That was surly an ungrateful act to the bone; but every great war had their own victims. Both of the other men tensed up a little by observing that level of agility and at the same time monstrous power.

"Is this some kind of joke, ha? Is that suppose to be FUNNY? But I'm not laughing. Kadota, don't let that maggot cling to you like that. It's disgusting!"

After hearing those words Kadota gulped hard and blushed some more but Izaya was even more amused now.

"Wow~! That was unheard of."

He let go of Kadota eventually that made him shiver a little. Then raven stepped cheerfully but at the same time cautiously toward Shizuo. That ominous grin was still right there. That venomous thing which was part of his character.

"Is Shizu-chan a homophobe? How interesting~."

"W-what?! Of course not!"

Now His fingers were sank deep in that lifeless poor thing. He could've felt the same way as Kadota. His blood was rushing over his head and his face burning with green shame. His mouth felt dry and his lips got opened and closed repeatedly with the most bafflement, not sure what to say. But something that bothered him more than Izaya's pranks was Kadota's reaction. He looked at Kadota while frowning, as much as possible in his condition, and asked for some kind of explanation from him; before he actually threw that thing at their way. Kadota was aware of how unfledged he was acting; but he couldn't help it at that moment. Mainly he was an extremely shy person so putting him in that situation wasn't that much of fair. But that furious scowl from Shizuo was enough to remind him of his friend's bad temper along with his low patience. And the other's playful taunts and his own silent were most likely about to awaken that hulk son's of wrath. Izaya noticed which had exchanged between those two, but he wanted to have a little more fun. His sleuth narrowed eyes that were pursuing the other men's features at the time, started to get widen while glittering again. He began to talk in his special fashion while waving his hands in the air and leaping around like a pantomime actor.

"Telling the truth, I noticed that I was being followed but~ I thought it was some cute puppy. Ah~ such a shame, I didn't even consider for a second that it might be… an unleashed beast~."

A crack sound came from the object on the top of the taller man.

"You shitty flea! Do you want to die that badly?"

Shizuo, who was still carrying that poor vending machine above his head, stepped forward with impendent threat of hurling that sorry creature. Kadota eventually managed to buck up or just accepted the reality and submitted to his doomed fate. After that pixie man let go of him and wasn't stuck to him anymore, his brain began to work again so he well comprehend that it was for better if they just get over with it; now that there was nothing left to be off the record. He took a step towards the other men in front of him; trying to be as far as possible courageous to talk that calamitous pair.

"Can't we be civil about this, guys?!"

"Hum~? What are you suggesting Dotachin? I don't think that this caveman ever heard of that word."

"Like a flea can be civil!"

An enrage glare exchanged between them.

"Not that I accept that stupid nickname; but if you're referring to me then I should inform you that I already am. Don't mix us together Shizu-chan~."

After spinning on his left heel in a half circle, he leaned over the same wall that he was flirting with Kadota some minutes earlier then continued in a singing voice.

"You're the one who's roaming around and marking your territory with lack of signposts… and oh~, while roaring like a tyrannosaurus to scare aggressors… and I'm the civil one, agree~?"

And he shook his left pinkie to ask for a promise in his typical childish manner.

"Stop it Izaya… please."

They exchanged a glower that was too weird itself. Something that was more like a married couple's communication. Now Izaya took some steps back while pouting like a spoil brat. But he had too much fun already so he actually didn't mind and it was just an act anyway. He would've enjoyed playing a little more if it was possible. But he knew Kadota too well to be aver that this man was great in raising white flags. He wouldn't let his game with Shizuo stretched more than that; at least not there. Anyhow it wasn't even the good part yet so he let it go for that one time. Kadota looked at Shizuo with the same demanding eyes that made him confused at first. After that exchanged glance between the others, Shizuo went back to his dumbstruck state; not comprehending the situation. But he got the meaning eventually so released the wronged thing without a care, obviously still in shock. Then the vending machine wasn't in order any more in just some moments, after it reached to the hard ground and resembled an obsolete and rightful junk. A load crushing sound filled the air that made both of Izaya and Kadota and even a little Shizuo himself jolt lightly. They looked at each other and then around. There was no one looking at them, most likely all the passers were from Ikebukuro and didn't find something new there to look at it; or just they didn't think that it was secure to look that way. Shizuo could've been really bonehead sometimes. When he could put that thing lightly in the right place, he just let it go; but the worst part was that he didn't even notice how stupid it was. So that might be true; the ones who don't know their limit of stupidity are truly invincible. Kadota sighed at that thought.

"I can explain it, Shizuo. And if you two stop acting too childish then we can go somewhere else to talk about it."

"Whatever; I don't have anything to explain to a protozoan. I'm leaving."

Both men look at Izaya open-mouthed. But it was non of Izaya concern now. If Kadota was going to play like that then he would've gave him some space. He was good at this game; igniting a fire and let it burn while his pawns were struggling as hard as possible; and then he would add more firewood if that comes handy. Anyhow he could've done more than just escorting them for most likely a boring chit-chat. He was a busy man after all. Izaya put both of his hands in his black coat pockets while spinning on his heels in a swift turn and then going to the opposite direction of Shizuo. Kadota was entirely surprised by Izaya's odd actions; after all he had steered Shizuo there for a reason. He took a flitter step as following his way and then called after him. But Izaya didn't even turn back and while waving his left hand in the air, he flicked Kadota's sentence.

"But we-"

"Oh, our date? Forget about it. You apparently need more time to explain things to him than a stone. See you later sweetie~."

Kadota's face was all crimson again. Shizuo brought up his eyebrows in confused manner while staring hard at the other delinquent.

"D-date?!"

"I'll… hah… explain."

Izaya was gone and left him there with the most hard task in the world. It was probably his genius plan from the beginning. As much as Kadota tried to hide everything that was between them as top-secret information; Izaya was eager to let the whole world know. So leaving him there with the most awkward person to explain it to, was most likely some sort of punishment in the judgeship of Izaya's justice. His left hand was rubbing his nape in comforting manner. Kadota felt completely exhausted already… and it was going to be a long night.

…

…

When Shizuo and Kadota got to the some near bar, it was already dark outside by that time. Kadota treated him but Shizuo just ordered the cheapest parfait on the menu. He didn't have anything to do for the rest of his day. He had already put some of his time to chase after flea and then arguing with him for what he even couldn't get… so sitting there and talking with one of his old acquaintance wasn't something to bother him… compared to later. He even felt somehow curious and didn't touch his glass while waiting for Kadota to start his testimony. If it was about someone else, then he wouldn't stuck his nose in other people's affair. But it was about Izaya so there was most likely something fishy about that.

Kadota looked the most reluctant there. With his compromising manner he was looking from Shizuo to his intact glass and then all over the place. Again after their eyes bumped into each other on the patrol, he stole his gaze again like a culprit with guilty conscience. Even though he was the one who had suggested explaining things to Shizuo, before his superhuman friends could've destroyed half of the city; he wasn't comfortable at all about the whole matter. He was always careful around Shizuo and that was the most likely the initial reason behind why he never got hurt by blond's superhuman power and simultaneously violent acts. He made it all along and there… he was sitting in front of the named monster and thinking that maybe risking his safety by being at the end of rope that reached to Shizuo's rage wasn't too much compared to coming out. But by looking at all those twitching veins on Shizuo's face and that sinister amber orbs that were glowing with murderous intent from the lack of tolerance after making him to wait less than just a minute; he could finally make up his deranged mind. After a deep breath, Kadota confessed at once.

"We are… um… partners."

The blood was rushing over his visage while there were some cold sweats aroun his tapping veins on his forehead. His flash red face showed how shy he could be in times like that. He was looking at a portrait on the opposite wall and trying his best to distract himself at all cost. But the whole red color made him more anxious instead, while he was trying his best to avert Shizuo's eyes. When he finally found the courage to look at Shizuo again, all he could see was the most possible confused look from him. Was he unable to comprehend yet? Kadota coughed lightly to smooth his voice. He couldn't believe the stage of his friend's idiocy. He started talking again, in low and somehow questioning tone in a way so his voice can't scape from their table.

"You k-know… partner as lovers?!"

It was true that Shizuo was stupid in so many ways but after all those obvious hints, it was impossible even for him to don't see were that train was going. It was more like the denying state if anyone wants to label it. After hearing that, his twitching eyebrow could've been considered hilarious… if you weren't the one sitting across to him.

"You're… with IZAYA?! How is that even makes sense?"

He banged his right hand on the table and almost broke it.

"Oh- Um… I know, it's w-weird… but it's the truth. Ah… it just somehow h-happened… when about a year ago-"

"A year?! Are you saying that you were together all this damn year?!"

Kadota didn't answer him and just blinked in confused demeanor at that furious face. Now it was something that Kadota didn't expect at all. That he might be questioned about the time that they already had spend together! But Shizuo had another point there, yet Kadota needed more time to process that. Then hearing Shizuo's next words brought him to discern the meaning of all those irritations in Shizuo's response. Of course Shizuo's showing any interest in other people's relationship wasn't normal to begin with.

"He's scheming something, isn't he? He's blackmailing you, isn't he? I'm going to kill him for all this shit!"

Kadota didn't actually expect that but when it comes to Shizuo, Izaya's affairs had different meanings. Now after revealing the hard part, he was worried about his lover's wellbeing more than his own shyness. His left hand reached out hurriedly and grabbed Shizuo's right wrist when he was already standing and heading out to destroy everything that might comes his way before beating Izaya to death.

"Please cool down Shizuo!"

Kadota used all his power while pleading to the monster.

"Ha?! Why are defending that bastard? It's not like anyone will miss him after he gets what he deserved!"

"I-it's not like that… believe me! I swear that it's not what you think. I really don't w-want to say this… but I'm not Izaya so you can trust my words. Listen to me and then you can decide to go and k-kill him or whatever, ok?!"

Kadota was officially begging him so Shizuo despite his already flipped switch just made a light node in almost bewildered manner. Some of customers and waiters were looking confused at them but after they recognized that bartender outfit… neither of those gaze has last much. His anger had been swept away already, by noticing that there was something truly unsettling about the present matter. Could that be for real? Could those two...? He sat again without losing his eye contact with Kadota while waiting for him to continue.

"You're assuming Izaya's motives wrongly here. He's not playing around… and I… believe that he is as serious as me about the whole thing."

Izaya was right. Tom has the greatest talent when it comes to calming down others. He even might be considered of being able to control hurricanes or volcanoes if the words of his management on Shizuo spreads. But even though Kadota wasn't in the same level as him, at least he could've been contemplated as a suitable replacement occasionally. He was always in the middle of incessant uproars in Ikebukuro – mostly the artworks of his infamous lover – and he always survived from them without a failure and helped others in his way out too. That determine spirit of him could even affect the unique temper of Shizuo. So what he says could be taken as intact proof. Shizuo while his lips were moving slightly, took the stand as faltering one and asked.

"So it's really… the truth? You two are... together?!"

"Yes."

Kadota wasn't stuttering anymore and the blush was mostly gone. On the other hand Shizuo started hearing a buzzing sound and found the room spinning round then drop his head and focused his eyes on a tiny stain on the table. He was experiencing something new in his life. What was that fervour? He felt a little numb at first then something formed from the innermost parts of his soul. It wasn't related to curiosity for sure. And he knew angst better than anything, so that was out of question too. Not consternate, not antipathy and disgust, not that much of being stunned, or even feeling of nostalgia… something along with malaise and miss… and maybe in some way wretched… like a grief?

When Shizuo got drawn in his own thoughts, he kind of forgot about the guy on the other side of the table. Kadota was a bona fide proud man and he wouldn't admit that even he needs affirmation of others. But when Shizuo brought up his head again and looked through him, he seemed pretty distressed. Was he scared of being rejected by his friends? Shizuo already knew that Kadota was one of the best guys that he ever met in his entire life. It was a great honor to be acquaintance with a truepenny guy for any grateful person. He liked his trade of honesty and found it within Celty too. Even though Shizuo was always more comfortable around her because of their similarity, but Kadota was also a sustainable friend. And Shizuo believed that this man deserved to be happy just like everyone else if not more. So if giving him approval was able to bring him peace, then Shizuo could at least be that much of friend. He made up his mind and then in a soft sound which he wouldn't used it occasionally started talking.

"Are you… you kn-know… are you in l-love with him?"

"I wonder… am I?"

Shizuo scowled a little. He was about to regret what he just asked.

"Hey, I'm the one asking!"

Kadota was still melancholic in many ways but he tried to answer Shizuo in the most cheerful manner that was possible for him.

"I even wasn't sure to start this with him. But you know… standing beside him is something like a... dream and before you even know, you're addicted to him... I always admired him as a distant bystander. He challenges everyone and everything. Daily life is not normal and boring anymore when you get the chance to be with him. He is brilliant, fun and... good looking. What else do you want me to say? I think… it's just that you don't know his good sides. You two are always insulting each other and then get to the fight. So how could you?"

Kadota description on his beloved wasn't unmoral for any lover. But for god's sake, he was talking about the most cunning man in the whole east.

"… I'm just not sure that there is actually any good sides."

"Huh… Like I told you."

Shizuo found it stupid to go around in the same circle so he took another approach.

"How can you trust him? I mean how can you be so sure that he's not playing with your mind and… heart?"

"… Who can?"

"What?!"

"Come on, who can say that they trust their partner hundred percent? Ok, I know when it's about Izaya; it has to be more than a shallow doubt. But… I do. I trust him enough."

"So it's like that, ha?"

"Yeah, it's like that."

Both went limp after their conversation reached there. It was more like some argue between father and son in convincing parent to accept his feelings for an unheard girl who was chosen by airhead kid. And now Shizuo knew that the boy was mature enough to decide for himself even though he wasn't the father. Next he just picked the most suitable question in that situation.

"So when did you know that you are interested in… men?"

"I didn't."

"Hah?!"

"It was him who came to me at first. I just had dated some girls in high school… and neither of them was long or serious relationship. But you know… he always had a busier schedule than me. Hah, he calls himself bisexual… maybe I should start that as well. Anyhow when we began dating, he already had some experience with guys too."

"Oh!"

Regardless of saying that, Shizuo didn't looked that much of surprised. But anyway according to Kadota's words Izaya had enough experience until then and if he was taking his current relationship with Kadota seriously… so that means he preferred men over women. Now that was something worthy to know. Both of them had started to pick on their parfait when they didn't know what to say after that. But then something came to Shizuo's mind that he was interested in knowing its answer.

"And do you… trust him? Not in common sense. I mean more like… not cheating on you?"

"Um… that's a complicated matter. Haha!"

Kadota launched laughing nervously by saying that. Shizuo learned that was a sign that he was investigating too much. Because getting in the bright light wasn't pleasurable for someone like Kadota who just came out. Asking someone about their lover's loyalty was just too much. Shizuo brought his hands up in reassuring manner.

"Ah, if you don't want to talk about this then I get it… just forget that I asked."

Kadota had a light blush on his face again. It became kind of sequential that day.

"Thanks for understanding… but to be honest I'm kind of happy… I mean… talking to you was pleasurable. Apparently Izaya did me a favor."

"He was probably just earnest to see our reactions… That flea!"

Shizuo took a nibble of his parfait to erase the uprising anger. But the bitterness in his mouth didn't let the sweet taste to take effect. Kadota tried to draw conversation to the bright side.

"Yeah, maybe… But he lost our conversation at the end."

"He knew that just seeing his face won't let me to buy any of this!"

Their gazes entangled for a second and remained steady.

"Are you still thinking that this is some sort of... spoof?!"

"No… I believe your words."

Shizuo had enough of being doubted of having doubts. He stared hard at Kadota to stop bringing that up.

"Ok. Huh, So… I think... we're good?"

Kadota felt it. How comforting it could be to have someone listening to you. He always had a lot of friends, but until then that special matter was a true burden on his mind which he wasn't sure to share it with anyone. He knew his friends well and being rejected by them was most likely a non-happening. They already knew Izaya so the introducing part was dispensable. Togusa will probably just accept them if Izaya would buy him a pack of motor oils. Karisawa too, she would get a little upset over disturbing her fantasy of Shizuo and Izaya's pairing but she will accept the new pairing earnestly. Yumasaki will likely ask him to persuade Izaya of joining their gang; because by considering how intelligent Izaya was, his chance of going to 2D world would be more achievable. But seriously... can he simply tell others when the only one who knows, get there by some kind of coincidences? When will he be able to tell his close friends with confidence? Would they be upset over that Shizuo was the first one who knew about them? Can he trust Izaya to don't blow up everything after that? Is it even rational to let his emotions towards Izaya being known by others when he wasn't sure about the other party's feelings in the first place? That train of questions wasn't about to end yet when Shizuo's voice cracked his shell and he remembered where he was.

"Ah, I should go. Take care of yourself and… that crazy boyfriend of yours."

Kadota chuckled brightly while nodding at him as goodbye. But He truly felt relieved and then thought that maybe he should be more thankful of his lover's maniac plans… because sometimes they could've brought up fortune with them. Shizuo was heading out when he heard Kadota content's words.

"Yeah, you take care too and… thank you."

Shizuo wanted to be just happy for his friend. But something was clawing on his heart which made it burdensome, something that he wasn't familiar with and couldn't grasp over its nature yet. He straightened up his worn out form and went to take a long walk to wherever road leads him.

…

…

**Raviza: Hi dear friends \(^_^)/**

**Izaya: What are you doing?!**

**Raviza: I saw some of authors do this kind of stuffs… so I thought maybe I should give it a shot!**

**Izaya: Shizu-chan, be happy. There is someone more stupid than you!**

**Raviza: That's rude! I'm not that stupid… and please don't talk too casually. That makes me feel delusional!**

**Izaya: Yep~! You are ****truly ****stupid.**

**Raviza: Cruuuuuuel~~~~~!**

**Shizuo: Both of you shut up. You talk too much. Oi readers, review or whatever.**

**Raviza: I don't know what he means by whatever here… So just review please. Thanks for reading!**


	3. The love nest

Chapter three:

**The love nest**

…

The sound of the door getting open, made him to look up from his laptop which was on the coffee table. It was about midnight when Kadota came back home. He looked too exhausted now and when Izaya left him in that alley he actually didn't expect to see him like that after. Izaya was sitting on the gray sofa and made it like home when his tired boyfriend and the authentic landholder reached there. It was true that they were together about a year, but the serious part of their relationship had a history about two months utmost. When Izaya got disappeared without a word after getting stabbed by Jinnai Yadogiri, everything got suspended at the time. And after he finally came back about two months ago, they became more attached without even discussing the train of events.

They spend most of their shared time while staying at each other's places and mainly at Kadota's. Because after Izaya has returned, he gathered a large group of people to do what he was doing and his place was more like a full day work office recently. Kadota didn't mind that and even didn't ask him about what was going on over there. Even though Kadota was the type of man who wouldn't ask if their partner wouldn't brought up something first; the major cause of his approval was Izaya's change of habits. He was spending most of his nights there and little by little when Kadota looked around his apartment; he could see that there were so many of Izaya's stuffs in his house. Before the changes got started, and when on and off it happened for them to spend a night at their lover's place in the most part of last year; they always used spare brush or towel. Or sometimes even futons, because at first Izaya wasn't that much into sleeping beside another person. And in just two months they became almost like a real couple. While most the changes were forcing from Izaya's side on Kadota, he still felt fortunate.

"Welcome home. You're pretty late… did you eat outside?"

Kadota sat beside Izaya on the sofa and while taking off his beanie and trying to make himself comfortable on the cushions and with closed eyes, answered him.

"No, I was just walking and… lost the track of time."

After the first glance at Kadota, Izaya went back to his work. So by hearing that he asked in an almost indifferent manner while typing.

"Do you want me to make you something to eat?"

"No, I'm not really hungry."

Substantially Kadota had his attention all that time; he practically sat there to wait for the named lover in the first place. Izaya was spying on him with the corner of his eyes and waiting for Kadota to tell him all that happened between those two after his detachment. Kadota who stayed there motionless and with his eyes closed was about to fall in deep sleep and step in dreamland. His breaths already became steady and the light frown at his glabella started to unknot. Izaya got a little annoyed then just closed his laptop without turning it off and spun in the spot that he was sitting already to face the man at his side. And by sudden motion, Kadota opened his eyelids and looked at Izaya with query eyes.

"Ok~ spill it out. Did he brainwash you? Could he make you understand how vicious I am? And that you're dating Count Dracula~?"

Then he made a theatrical pose like he was moving his inexistence wings and finally crossing his arms over his chest on inverse shoulders. He had his silky black hair and those crimson orbs. If he truly was a vampire then that shouldn't be that much of surprise! Kadota who became almost sharp again by Izaya's plays was praising his beloved's splendid features. While their eyes wouldn't leave the other's, Izaya put his left hand on the back of sofa to support the most of his weight. In a coquet performance, he reached over Kadota and began to caress him by moving his palm from his right shoulder towards his jaw. Meanwhile following that hand actions by his sensual eyes made Kadota to stop breathing integrally before gulping the bulb in his throat. After Izaya got reveled by his own capability to seduce the other man; he stopped his teasing and looked right in Kadota's brown eyes. While the corner of his lips started to tilt up, his voice came to Kadota's ears more like a pleasurable torture.

"So what now~? Are you going to break up with me?"

Kadota knew perfectly how desirable that man could be but giving in wasn't acceptable by both parties. Izaya adored it when Kadota looked at him with those hungry eyes and then start talking like he had perfect control over his needs.

"I had already told you, didn't I? That if we can't make it… then I'm not going to be the one who messed up. And I won't break up with you no matter who is asking. But anyway… he accepted us."

"He… what?"

Izaya's hand was cupping Kadota's face when he heard the last words. He started to stand on his knees on top of the sofa, towering over Kadota while grabbing his jaw to position it in a way so he could face him directly. His confused attitude showed how much he was eager to make sure of what he just heard. Kadota looked at him with a straight face and then answered him with his manly and monotone voice.

"He accepted our relationship. And kind of supported us… I guess."

"He accepted… our relationship?!"

He looked one more time with wide eyes to see if Kadota was messing with him. But neither of his features changed in the investigation… He truthfully was telling the verity. After a soundless simper which was discernible by his thin lips movements, Izaya just burst into laughing like a manic while giggling at the same time. By letting go of Kadota, his body fell back on the sofa and while grabbing his stomach like a true child he was; he just laughed and laughed... until he started gasping.

"Ah… Ahahaha! T-that protoz-Aha-oan never d-desists -Haha- to surprise me! Ahahahahah~!"

Kadota wait for him to calm down which wasn't that much of his option. Izaya was wiping some tears which had formed in the corner of his eyes. He sat at his original spot and put his feet on the ground while trying to take back his composure when another wave of tittering was about to start. When Kadota start talking again, his voice was icy cold.

"Did you have fun? Leading him to find out about us?"

"Hum~ not really… I didn't expect that his protozoic brain can process that level of information."

Kadota was at the end of his tolerance to endure that insulting behavior.

"Please stop that. He's not stupid… as much as you think. Even though he doesn't trust you, he respects our choices."

By exhaling hard Izaya deflate as much as air that he could from his abused lungs. Feeling all refreshed and swank, he could eventually calm down. He twisted his face to look at where Kadota was sitting and answered him cheerfully.

"Oh~! Isn't he generous now? Maybe I should thank him later."

"Iza-"

"I'm serious. I mean he's the first one who knows and he was open-minded enough to don't judge us!"

Then he pushed Kadota's back on the sofa, going on top of him when both of them were still in the sitting position. His right leg on Kadota's laps and his left however on the sofa. His expert hands were traveling all over his lover's body, touching and trying to make him gasp. His whole body wrenching in all direction giving him acssess to target all fragments of his sweetheart's figure. His lips moving on his jawbone at a certain distance hovering aloft of him. When all that Kadota could do was to try his best to talk normally while trying to answer Izaya who was whispering his words to him.

"Let's show our gratitude. How about throwing a party? That party~? Then we can get more supports. Hum~ What are you saying… darling~?"

"D-don't call m-me that… and I thought t-that we already h-had talked about it."

"Don't be like that~! I want to tell the en~tire world how lucky I am~."

"Then don't p-push your luck."

"Wow~ is Dotachin threading me? Oh~ but I like it when you're this serious… like that time when you saved Saki-chan, ne~?"

By hearing that name Kadota pushed Izaya back. Both of them looked at each other quietly for a short while. Izaya with his felony eyes and Kadota with the fiercest look that was possible. He never got to the details of that incident or he never actually asked around. And anyway if there was someone who supposed to take revenge for the poor girl, then that should be Kida and not him. But the responsibility that he still somehow felt and Izaya's involvement in that incident with unknown details were well-known. Then pointing it out by the exact person made him fury the most. He always played his games by twisting thing at weird angles. He knew that Izaya was trying to arouse him while provoking him by bringing up unpleasing matters. He insults others while laughing like a child, threats people with friendly voice, acts romantic while ignoring his partner's emotions, wants integrity while corrupting this world. Kadota tore away from him with notable discontent while shoving Izaya out of his way.

"I'm tired. Come right to bed when you're done with your work."

Izaya didn't Say a word in retort and silently looked his lover who trudged to the bedroom. He indeed could've laughed when Kadota was all bossy and ordering him around. It was so funny and meanwhile looked good on him. Izaya wasn't someone who let this kind of things get to him; and anyway he was the best in obtaining the last scores. Kadota had already got captured by him beyond saving. He was in his palms; not the other way around. So maybe it was the time to remind him who was the rightful ruler. Izaya looked at bedroom door for the last time before grabbing some of his stuffs and leaving that place.

…

…

When he reached his apartment, it was already after midnight. He spent the most of the night while sauntering around in the streets. He chatted with Celty when they bumped into each other in the park. But technically they passed the most of it while sitting on a bench not talking at all, where Shizuo smoked a whole packet of cigarettes. He couldn't talk with her about that day's occurrences. Kadota had been tortured enough just by coming out in front of him. His thoughts were scattering over old days while remembering their time at Raira; when they were suppose to spend their time at getting educated. But in the end they just lived their life liberally by their own rules. All of them were moving on their precise path that brought them to where they were that day. Now two of his friends - even though that term wasn't the exact word to describe one of those relationships but anyhow - two of his old acquaintances had stepped in a whole new level of partnership without him even knowing. He was well aware of the fact that he wasn't in a place to object, but it made him unpleased in some way. He couldn't be jealous over them because of his own loneliness, could he? And the whole Shinra and Celty lovey-dovey situation never made him to feel like he was lagging behind the pack. But that day he felt all kind of new emotions.

After separating from Celty, he grabbed some canned food on his way back. But when he stepped into his apartment and turned on the lights, all that lonesomeness slapped him hard in the face. He didn't want to stagger in the street the rest of night and crashing on his friends was out of question in that time of night. Then he stepped in his own house while experiencing a new aspect of loath. He put the package in the fridge when he hadn't any appetite to eat that cold food all by himself. He sensed a great urge to talk with someone and even felt some regrets for spending his time with Celty in silent. Then he sent a message to Kasuka, hoping that his little busy brother might answer him. But after staring at his phone for more than half an hour, he finally gave up.

After that he just went to his bedroom and threw himself on the bed. The wooden frame made a loud creak sound; but his spent body wasn't at full power then his bed was still reusable. By closing his eyes what came to him, behind those black curtains was the most important image from that day. From the time that Izaya was leaning on Kadota from behind. His hands were probing the other man's body slyly and meanwhile he was grinning at Shizuo's way. His ruby eyes were glowing fervently. Those fearless and strong gazes were shouting defiance word just by their existences. His heart skipped for a moment. Then he absent mindedly clenched his fists and grabbed the bed sheets. Before he even noticed a tearing sound came from his below. He inhaled softly and let go of them then stayed motionless on top of his bed. Thinking about all those things that he broke or tore was too bothersome, so he came to just putting them in his short-term memory for a long time already. Now that he thought about it he had forgotten all the evening about that night. That night when Izaya's inert eyes didn't resemble their usual glittering selves. Did Kadota know anything? Should he ask him about that? Was it some kind of sickness or Izaya was simply on drug? He didn't give it that much of thoughts before but that night he couldn't stop thinking about that man. Then a sound of knocking on his apartment's door brought him back to present time.

He looked up from his bed to the way which tapping sound came from. He couldn't see his apartment's door from there but he just stare in that way for some seconds before sitting on the edge of his bed. He didn't have any clock at his house because he couldn't stand them; and it wasn't just the sound that annoyed him but the thing was that they were always pointing out the time. It was the most insufferable peculiarity of them in his opinion. So he looked at his phone for time. It was nearly 2 in the morning and someone dared to disturb him at such a time. He almost forgot all his prays for a little company and another knock on the door made his fists clinched and his teeth gritted. He stomped towards the door not caring about his surrounding mess. Despite his garbled house he himself had an acceptable appearance. He hadn't changed yet so he was in his usual bartender outfit and the only thing out of ordinary was the lack of his sunglasses. He opened his apartment door and then the first thing that came out from his mouth was…

"What are you doing here?!"

…

…

**Izaya: What Happened here?**

**Raviza: Oh, the thing is that I read the last chapter again and felt an urgent need to edit it! And because it was too long I just split it too.**

**Izaya: Hum~ your grammar is awful! Just saying~.**

**Shizuo: I agree on that. Even I was better than her in school.**

**Izaya: That's a lie but she can do better, can't she? Don't tell me that she's a protozoan too!**

**Raviza: I'm right here guys! It wasn't just the grammar... there is more changes and a cliffhanger! Now please... you should not have telling me this!**

**Izaya: What was that just now?! Ahaha~ Are you degrading?**

**Raviza: Ah~~~~~! I will show you how much of fast learner I am! By the way it was somehow awkward, and I want to make up for it… so the next chapter is coming soon~!**

**Shizuo: Just shut up and write correctly in the first place.**

**Izaya: Her dear readers~! Please review… and tanks for reading~.**


	4. Just intruder, not insidious

Chapter four:

**Just intruder, not insidious**

…

Shizuo's ire was at its top level when he opened the door, to see the most hated man in his entire world. When every cells of his monstrous body were shouting 'KILL THAT BASTARD!' the best job that he managed to do was to not rip that gorgeous head out of its place innately; and instantly. He couldn't believe that his poor friend was amazed and then all trapped by those damn charming features. Maybe he was even angrier than always after all; because any effort to subside his fury at that point, was incredibly nerve racking to him. His appearance there was unsettling enough, the shitty time that he chose to show up was another misadventure.

Shizuo was never very much of a falling at the first glance type; but that man standing there in the corridor in front of his apartment's door while leaning against the wall, was enough to enable him of understanding his miserable pal in some ways. That man had the most stunning orbs, while his dark silky bangs were dangling over his velvety pale skin on his round face. Just those thin scarlet lips and that permanent arrogant smile which was always dancing on them were stupendous enough. His body was a little too thin but it was well-known by all his agile moves, that he presumably surpassed an average muscular body. After admiring that marvelous being in mere seconds who didn't belonged to him, Shizuo gritted his teeth before taking a long step towards the named man. Shizuo features changed to slaughtering mood while glaring at the raven with his renowned sick intentions.

"What are you doing here?!"

Izaya was standing there quietly and his face somehow emotionless; just a shadow of his habitual smirk and amused eyes could be seen. He could be considered a little dejected or maybe just tired. He had a black bag on his left shoulder and a large pink pocket in his right hand. All the formation there was like if the beauty was just a bait to lure the beast. Shizuo inhaled hard to don't chop his head right there and then while remembering Kadota's desperate face. That time when he was pleading to spare that lowlife flea for what he thought as an extortion at first, but turned out to be more serious than just that. While he was doing his best to despite all those twitching veins which frequently appeared and faded again on his face, to don't destroy the whole building along with that parasite in front of him; he heard the man who start talking finally.

"Hum, interesting! So you really can do that? I had heard from Shinra that you managed to pull something like this once before… in the case of that little girl, Akane-chan… but to do it for the sake of an absent man… that's quite a move~."

Shizuo was about to let that animal inside of him leashed out and took over his actions; but he was getting better and better in restraining that wild beast with his terrific qualities. After another calmative breath his voice came out growling but at the same time hushing in a way; probably for covering his furor more than being considerate of the time.

"I asked what the hell are you doing here?!"

Izaya has almost got into the mood and his tedious behaviors were about to demise while his usual cheery one coming renascence. He was making a face that just beholding it made Shizuo wants to throw any available object aimed at him. When Izaya began to answer him, He sounded like he was truly having fun at that point.

"Ta-da~! I brought you a Bonsai. Look at it… isn't this glamorous?"

He magically stripped a miniature bonsai in a leaden color ceramic pot from that large pocket which he had it all the time in his right hand. That extant was unbelievably alluring; like a giant chiliad tree or no, more like a true jungle itself. Then Izaya held it with his both hands like it was a baby, while stepping carefully towards Shizuo to hand it over to him.

"Your welcome~."

Then Izaya put the stunning creature in Shizuo's hands while making a pose of bowing theatrically. Shizuo was completely stupefied and didn't know what else to do except taking that out of blue gift in his hands. Even by looking from the bonsai to Izaya and from him back to the tree over and over again, he couldn't comprehend what was going on there. So he asked more confusingly than feisty.

"What the hell is this flea?!"

While saying that his right hand twitched lightly with the little amount of remained fury in all that bewilderment. Izaya was taking some steps back to see the combination of the two parts and laughing within himself from irrelevantly of that pair. The ceramic pot was already making some cracking sounds when Izaya pointed out.

"Now you shouldn't do that; that's pretty expensive~."

Then Shizuo grabbed the pot just with his left hand; about to transform it to another piece of junk from risen rage. He was doing that while growling towards the raven which made him to plea protectively but more mockingly in the place of that mute creature.

"Stop it~, don't waste this artistic piece of work just for ending up a in your monstrous clasp!"

His voice was really doing a tractor's job, of course as one working on Shizuo's nerves. Shizuo gritted his teeth while letting his temper going up all it wants once again.

"Oh really?! So tell me why the hell you are here, before I smash your skull to the ground with this fat ass tree of yours!"

Izaya stepped forward again. Close enough that if Shizuo would straighten his arm then he could grasped and smashed his Adam apple in a blink of an eye; but conversely if Izaya drew his switchblade then he would be able to slit Shizuo's throat just like an animal sacrifice ritual. But by all surprise he started talking seriously, not letting his joker side took over.

"I'm not here to fight. I was in the neighborhoods then I decide to go and take this… which I had ordered a while ago. Now I give it to you."

Shizuo jammed the distance even more while he roused the pot with his left hand and now its shadow were overcastting on their heads. Then he grabbed Izaya's collar and pulled him even closer at an extent that their foreheads was about to bump.

"Then why the hell you were in my neighborhoods in the first place? And why the fuck you wanted to give me anything?!"

A tiny shred of amusement scarpered even under the pervasive level of Izaya's continence. Because it was as if he had found the exact appropriate moment to spill his next words… or more like implanting the next batch of his plan's poisonous seeds.

"I just… wanted to thank you."

Shizuo's frown deepened while his fingers were about to cut through the unfortunate pot. And his right hand was shuddering from the rage at the end of his grip where it was connected to other man.

"What are you playing at?"

After hearing that, a symbolic grin was about to appear instantly but he managed to restrain it well enough to don't brought up any suspicion and made it to look like a sincere smile. Then his face softened even more in a way which seemed like he was about to confess something out of his pure heart.

"No games tonight. I just wanted to voice my gramercy. Your approval had a deep effect on him. Ah, Dotachin… he's just too concern about the others finding out. When he was babbling and babbling while telling me about your acceptance tonight… Heh~, he had such a hyper content look on his face."

When Kadota told him about that whole matter in a short sentence, he was too exhausted to show any kind of emotions at all, so it was all just a sappy lie. But if Shizuo would buy it then there was no reason in Izaya's opinion to don't tell such an ordinary and bathos lie. Now it was Shizuo's turn to change his permanent mask. All that furors being faded, more importantly when he was talking to that exact man, it was almost like a miracle. After his converse with Kadota he already had believed in that man's emotions and he could even swear on them. But what was really happening there? Was the world about to end?! How could that be even possible? It couldn't be that their feelings were mutual in that extent?! He looked at Izaya still frowning when the difference was in the meaning. A part of him wanted to have fate, while the other part just denying. Izaya was enjoying the effect but he was always able to cover his inner thoughts and save the coup the theater in the show. He knew that chit-chat with Kadota had already affected the monster. Kadota had a real affective character after all; it seemed as a right decision from the start to assign the task on that talent man. Shizuo loosened his grip but not letting go just yet; still not disremember who was standing in front of him.

"So… you came here two in the morning just… to thank me?!"

His voice still had a growling root but soft enough to don't scare elementary brats. Izaya's lips curled a little but not too much that could result in punching him to the floor by that pot, the one that he had brought it himself. While waving his hands in the air at their sides slightly, he made his point with a little giggling at first.

"Ahah~ not just that. To be honest… Ah, we had a fight after that; and it was too tiresome to go back all the way to Shinjuku in this hour… so I decide to come here instead."

Shizuo didn't understand specifically what he just heard; not getting how they having a fight or Shinjuku being far, and having flea at his home could be related. He was always southing at that parasite to stay out of Ikebukuro, and now he wanted to stay at his house?! He let go of the raven while pushing him slightly back and creating some space between them; because he just noticed the most noteworthy in all that babblings which was…

"You had a fight? B-but… how the hell is that any of my concern?!"

He was staring at him with a confused look on his face; then not a second later before he gave Izaya any chance to even say a word, he answered himself; but by another question.

"Don't tell me that it was because of… me?!"

Izaya's eyes widened at stupidity of that suggestion. He couldn't even guess what kind of logic he had used to reach such a conclusion. Or was it a wish? It was unbelievably complicated performance to just don't start gaffing right at that handsome dumb face. It was true that revealing things to him could be a potential culprit; but that couldn't be defined as 'because of him'!

"Ha?! Don't flatter yourself, Shizu-chan. Why should we have a fight over… you?!"

Izaya sound his words with the most shrewdly manner more like 'Even if something like that ever happens, then you think that I'm going to tell… you?!'. There's a rule for this kind of patterns. If your purpose is to possess another's heart then don't aim at it, and if it's to conquer another's trust then don't ask for it. And that answer just deepened his doubt when Shizuo thought that their fight was probably over his attainment on the true nature of their relationship. Even thought he didn't have a choice there, Shizuo has already started to feel a shred of guilt within himself. Despite his calamity wishes for the man in front of him; he didn't want to cause that other man to go through any turmoil. And Izaya could smell that very well, he had a sharp nose for all those unpleasant feelings. He thought if not answering in a way that could brush off Shizuo's guilt was able to open his own way to that monster's nest, then he could be as much as vague that was of use. Notwithstanding all that details, at that state Shizuo was about to pity the wicked one too; like he had to take responsibility over the aftereffect of his undesirable recent knowledge. But he wanted to at least make more objections before accepting something as surreal as letting a flea to sleep in his house. Next time he might even come and ask to drink his blood politely!

"Why don't you go to Shinra's apartment? He's your one and only friend after all… and not too far either."

Then something opened its way to his mind. He thought 'Did even Kadota know about him coming there?!'… But then 'Izaya is a grown up man, so of course he doesn't need permission from anyone!'… And after that 'Why the hell I am even thinking about the flea's rights in the first place, Damn it!'. He just pissed himself off over thinking of that man when he has been mentally prepared to let him in his house. Izaya who had made a 'Are we still in the kindergarten?' pose retorted.

"Come on, I'm not suicidal! Are you completely retarded? What will happen to poor me if I barge into their apartment in the middle of night?!"

Then Shizuo thought 'Good point there, flea!'.

"And you think you will leave here untouched tomorrow morning?! Just go to a damn hotel!"

Now there was no room to step back. Izaya marched towards the apartment and then put his left hand on the wall beside the opened door.

"No way! I just told you that we had a quarrel. I'm truthfully heartbroken and lone~ly right now. And moreover I'm too tired; so I just want a place to sleep tonight! Now… do I really need your invitation?"

Shizuo stared at him with discontentment. He didn't sound even a little less troublesome of his usual self. He turned his gaze to consider his choices one more time. By then the gift was being held under Shizuo's left arm and clung to his waist, and when that beautiful plant chained in that pot stole his eyes for a moment… it brought up a familiar sensation to him... But what?! What did it remind him of? How nostalgic it was! But he couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe it was an old memory or no, maybe… He felt so connected to that silent living being, which brought a fade smile on his now calm face. Finally and in a low voice he said his final answer to the raven.

"Come in."

But he didn't know that in the exact moment that he had opened that door, he let the intruder in his house. Yet he wasn't alone anymore. And then Shizuo felt extremely gleesome that he didn't have to endure all that loneliness again, even if it was just for one night. Now that he had his uninvited guest with him.

…

…

**Izaya: Humph, It felt lonely. It was better if Dotachin or Namie-san could be there with me.**

**Raviza: Eh! Why Namie-san?!**

**Shizuo: I knew it! You two-faced unfaithful bastard!**

**Izaya: Ha?! Why are you making a fuss over it? I'm just not that much of a blond hairs fan!**

**Raviza: Phew! So it was about that?!**

**Izaya: Yes~! She has those silky black hairs. She's a good cook and a great comrade and fun to talk to… she also has an arrogant and interesting character... and yeah, she's an undeniable beauty too… let me see! I think I really love her!**

**Shizuo: Die!**

**Izaya: **** Ahaha~! ****She's one of my favorite humans after all! Don't get jealous monster~.  
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**Raviza: Anyhow… Thanks for your time, dear readers~! Especially dear Namie the Killer & ****dear c-antonella****… Thanks a lot! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter too XD**


	5. Slave of oblivion

Chapter five:

**Slave of oblivion**

…

The room wasn't wholly dark by the radiance of a slight ray of light coming from the street. The luminous passage has made a halo around Shizuo's upper body and his blond hair was glittering amidst the rest of that benighted room. His back was straight while putting his left elbow on the window's frame. His right knee was twisted and his leg was crawled under his chair motionlessly. But his left leg was tapping on the floor time to time coinciding with a strong inhale when he blew a ton of smokes into the air. His blank eyes were locked on a hollow direction, looking at neither of the terrains in the view. He was sitting there more than half an hour already, while he enjoyed passing time along with his dormant companions.

After barging into the house, Izaya stopped talking all of sudden. When Shizuo threw a blanket at him while pointing at the only sofa in the room to sleep there, he just had nodded slightly. It was like that he had a lot of things on his mind. But then it shouldn't be any different from his daily life; anyhow and for some reasons it was. As a talkative person, flea was too quiet that night. Then any good instinct should be able to sense some kinds of premonitory vibes from all that demeanors. But maybe Shizuo was just too drawn in his own obscurant situation of his mind to even notice that he should be more wary than any normal clash.

After putting down some sheets, clothes which were mostly bartender outfits, magazines with Hanejima Yuuhei's photos on their covers and then some other things from on top of the sofa, Izaya had made an appropriate place to sleep; and by then he had lied down there on his back silently about forty minutes. He had turned over so many times and made some rustling sounds in the peaceful room and showing how he was unable to sleep. Shizuo was sitting at the window of the living room, while a cloud of smokes were surrounding him. Normally it was the balcony's door in the bedroom which he sat by to smoke his lungs out; but that night he chose that window in the living room. The third person in the house was the most tranquil one; the bonsai who was sitting on the floor next to the apartment's door, where Shizuo could see a dim frame of it from his stand. He still hadn't chosen a place for his new roommate and he didn't even know how to take care of a delicate creature like that. He thought that it was better if he could ask some hints from Shinra later on; after all he was good in that department. When that record of silent broke in the room, needless to say it wasn't a blond, neither a green one who broke the glass wall.

"Hey Shizu-chan, this blanket stinks… I can't sleep with its crappy smell!"

Shizuo tried to rub him off, if possible with the shortest response that he was used to it.

"Shut up."

A moment of silent passed, and then again Izaya started being his usual self. A mix of rustling sounds which muffed in a second came from his sleeping place; clearly he was repositioning himself to start a conversation.

"What? Are you angry because I didn't let you have your fun night al~one in your shady apartment? Come on! You should be happy… Now you have a beauty in your house~."

But again, Shizuo still had his hopes up to have some more moments of that placid heaven.

"Shut up, flea."

Shizuo turned a little and looked at where the parasite was sleeping; but he couldn't see any divided character to glare at it as showing his rising rage. He was sitting too long there and staring at all that dull glowing rays coming from the outside world to the universe of that dusky place. Then that teasing sound didn't stop rising because of a little growling resonance, and even became more and more provoking.

"Really Shizu-chan, you always got to surprise me. You sure hate my guts, then why should you accept anything that comes to me? Haha~, don't tell me that you really are trying to be selfless? But there's the thing… isn't selflessly another form of selfishly itself?"

Shizuo huffed while biting his cigarette marginally as an attempt to calm himself down even a little. Then without looking at his back in the room while zooming on a real goal in the street this time, which was a black cat with his blazing eyes, he asked in an almost angry tone.

"What the hell is your point?"

A faint sneering sound came from the back of the room; the place that devil himself was getting rest at his enemy's residence.

"You actually did it for yourself, now didn't you?"

Then Ahab paused momentarily to let the first shot put its affect on Mobidick.

"Shizu-chan just wanted to show himself how much of human he is, ne? I had kicked the bucket already, if you only had the balls to kill me that time… you could end my life with your own hands… yet what did you do? You let me to go and keep on living; to see more of sunlight in the next days of my bestowed life? And now… you even let me to have a relationship…? Hum~, I bet that you want to barge about your imaginary generousness for that little brother of yours so badly. After all, that weirdo is your humanity scale!"

Shizuo clinched his right fist with his yet burning cigarette in his grasp and caused a crack sound came from its joints while putting out the flare in his own palm. The broken cigarette was on the floor at the moment that he stood and turned around in a swift stir to rush over the brunet. He put his hand atop of the other man's reposed statue on the back of the sofa, focused to sound as much as possible terroristic.

"Fuck you, flea! Does it bother you too much that your life had been spared? Then go and jump from a damn bridge! Kadota is too naive to even think that there is a single sincere shred inside of you… you damn shit-bag!"

Izaya looked up to him without losing his composure while the monster was snuffling over him. He could see the other's feature very well because his eyes had already got accustomed to the darkness in the room while the other was searching his face to find its lines. His lips curled up a little and formed an amused smirk before mocking the blond even more.

"Um~, about that… Didn't he tell you? That how mind blowing I am in the bed? No~?! Then what kind of rubbish were you talking about for so long?"

Midway of hearing those riling words Shizuo pushed his body back like trying to save himself from a catching a contagious disease that was up on that man's crazy mind. As by then he was able to see most of the sketch before his eyes. Izaya was enjoying playing with him like an immature little boy; his grin was at full capacity; his eyes were blazing even more than that coal-black cat from some moments earlier; his heart's beats were getting ready for stepping in a marathon. Shizuo has stayed something about two feet farther away by then and saving that safe distance, while glaring at the raven with murderous gazes. His eyes getting more and more used to the murkiness, he could feel the level of danger which scattering such a words from Izaya's appealing lips had caused. He gulped harsh when he thought about all the ways that this man might bring up misfortune… even in the times that his eyes weren't glittering. Shizuo moved the window's way again, while keeping his face towards Izaya and stepping backward. This way he could use the virtually bright background to hide his face from the other man if it was just for some seconds so he could stand at the same stage as him.

"I don't get why you let me know about you two… and shit… most of the time I really don't get what the hell is going on at your fucking head anyway! But there's something that I wanted to ask you. That night…what was all that about?"

Now Izaya was in the same shoes as Shizuo a little before that, while he couldn't see the other's features when pursuing a dialogue. He wanted their conversation taking this route to begin with, but he needed to be more in control of situation. Izaya sat at his sleeping place while a sensation of nausea was building up inside of him. He had to keep himself sharp to save some boundaries. He didn't discuss this matter with anyone yet and even if the whole thing still was concealed under the cloak; he had to come up with a policy to save himself from revealing the true form of his weakness.

"How about that you tell me on that?"

Shizuo stayed quiet, not saying even a word; making Izaya to repeat himself. He readjusted his position again, obviously getting more and more nervous.

"Tell me about what happened that night."

Shizuo wasn't sure why the questioner had changed all of sudden. He asked in a bewildered manner while still standing with his back facing the opened window and not showing his dumbfounded face to the raven.

"What?!"

Izaya was about to lose it. His calm and calculated character didn't have that much of chance to haggling for information from that monster so if even putting his knife on Shizuo's throat could've lead him to hear what he wanted, then he would do that right away… but that protozoan didn't even get the question itself.

"I'm asking for your point of view, dumbass!"

Shizuo knew those characters very well; and of course the meaning of that combinations and so the sentence itself. The thing that he didn't get was why a present person should ask something that happened at his presence. It was different from what Shizuo had asked which was the reasons behind his actions. Was he asking about the actions themselves?

"What do you mean?"

Izaya put his feet on the floor while glaring at the Shizuo who had moved slightly beside the window, but his feature still wasn't that much of readable. Izaya put his left hand on the sofa pushing his nails in its textures at the same time that the conversation was lasting more than his appeal.

"Really now?!"

He stared hard in a silent moment at the other man in the room, before continuing.

"Ok. You-… you asked me there if I was out of my mind or not. But in some ways, I-… I was kind of high that night so I don't remember the incidents in details. It's… ah, it's all shaggy. So my assumption of what happened there is that I probably had tried to gouge your eyes out or… whatever…! And of course you were the intact one at the end and I was sitting beneath a wall… so I can guess what happened somehow. But I want to know about the course of events in details. Now… can you?!"

After hearing that confession, Shizuo felt that the rage was about building up inside of him. Izaya didn't even remember and he let himself to call his own actions by 'whatever'? Then he thought 'How about that you actually tried to kill me?'… But the anger left a second later when the true realization came across his mind and put a hole inside of him which was ready to get filled up with anything that Izaya's response would bring to him or no... it was too clear already.

"So that was it?"

Izaya didn't expect to hear that as an answer.

"What?!"

Shizuo was standing steady at his former place when he started to reveal his thoughts, but not calm at all.

"You let me know something because you wanted to hear one? You let me found out about your secret, because you thought it was worthy of selling?"

Izaya was about to call it off and leave the place, shouted back.

"Huh?! What are you talking about?"

Shizuo began walking towards him while the lights coming from the back made the whole scene like an investigation room.

"I'm talking about when you lead me to your date. But then no, it wasn't yours. You don't care about the others knowing about the fact that you're homo. Then it was actually his secret, not yours. You knew how hard it was for him to come out like that… but you just didn't care!"

Shizuo was raising his voice more and more by shouting every word after another. Izaya felt the most uncomfortable by that monster statue marching his way.

"Don't read too much into it. I was just bored by all his secretive behaviors."

By then Shizuo reached over him in an instant and then grabbed Izaya by neck and pushed him on the back of sofa. His left hand was on the sofa to support it from falling behind by his own monstrous power which was pushing the other man on it. He was looming over him while started talking in an almost hushing voice this time, which was the most jeopardous sound that Izaya had ever heard from the blond until then.

"Really?! But I guess there wasn't even a fight… or no, you provoked him so you could have a plea to crash on me? How many birds do you think that you can kill by just one stone? Do you want to know it that badly?"

For a moment they both stared at each other silently in that dark room to see just the shadow of themselves. Izaya hate it when someone could read him like that; especially if it was a person whom he considered him at amoebic level. He didn't say a word and just a low grunt came out from his mouth.

"You know what… I didn't tell Kadota about it last night, but I might end up telling him another time… that how his drug user boyfriend doesn't even remember the shit that he has done. Then you can go and ask him directly. How is that, ha?"

Shizuo put a little more force on his throat threateningly before letting go of him. After a heavy gasp Izaya started coughing to reopen his gullet at utmost and catch his breaths back. But before giving enough time so that could happen, he began smattering.

"… You… w-won't d-"

But then again he could've finished his sentence; because his voice had cracked by more coughs. Shizuo enjoyed it by all means. Beating him in his own game wasn't something that happens every day. He had a victorious smile on his sadistic face while saying the last words on that contest.

"You will know… when you ask him. I want to sleep; now shut up flea before I really kick you out."

Then he left him there and went straight to his bedroom, closing the door behind him loudly. After that argue he even felt more content. Having Izaya at his house was too strange, so it was more natural if they wouldn't pass it peacefully … compared to any other pattern and even though he disliked violence. And for some reasons he felt an undeniable urge to put that man at his right place that night… which was shrinking beneath his feet.

It wasn't like that Izaya couldn't fight back some moment earlier. He usually wouldn't use violent unless he found it profitable in some way. And he didn't came there to fight that night, so reacting to Shizuo wasn't beneficial in anyway. He stayed motionless with his right hand on his throat where it probably will be bruised the next day, before slipping under that stench blanket in a furor gesture. He wasn't walking on the clouds even a little bit because of the path that things chose to head. He was an informant. He had to know. It wasn't like that the latest news just came to him from the thin air; but he always could invent a way to attain them in the end. And now Shizuo wouldn't give him what he supplicated the most. He knew so many blurbs but neither of them was efficient at that point.

"Stupid protozo-an-"

After murmuring that his slumberous eyelids came together and he went out like a light and fell into a deep asleep. He was scared of getting rest for sometimes now so he was depriving by keeping himself awake as much as he could. He originally was a light sleeper, but those things weren't sleep anymore… just torture of oblivion. Even though he knew very well that it had reverse effect, but he couldn't help to be dread by them and getting more and more used to lack of sleep. Because every time that he was falling for it; he had to endure it all over again. Letting himself to twirl like a zombie among his beloved humans when he himself was unable of controlling a thing.

…

…

A strong wind had draught the vertical path of droplets and smacked some of sprinkles to the glass windows, caused a loud sound of crash. There was a horrific tempest outside; and it had rained heavily all the day. There were no lights on in the whole house. Just the TV was on about that entire day; but its sound was off and it was just picturing mutely. That day was sure a gloomy and depressing one. The sound of droplets pouring in the puddles which had formed from their antecedents or just smashing at the roof, ground or any other solid subject out there wasn't about to stop, at least not any time soon. It was a rainy day after all. It was his rainy birthday. They were supposed to go to the park with their mother that day. Now they were trapped in the house, not going anywhere for all day along.

Kasuka was sleeping on the across sofa like a little kitten, curling and fizzing in his sleep. On top of him was a child's blue blanket with superman's picture on it. How adorable he was, all tiny and with his cute placid face showing emotions in his sleep. Shizuo himself was lying upon his mother's laps while he was on his right shoulder. His mother's hands were caressing and playing with his brown hairs. Her fingers were finding their way in that smooth boyish pile of hair, trooping them apart and then joining them together all over again. Time to time their tips were brushing over his skin slightly, make him somnolent while looking at that sleeping beauty not far away. Was it the last time that his mother touched him like that? Was it the last time before he had lifted that damn fridge to throw it at his little brother? That their parents looked at him like he was a normal kid, not a monster desquamating his shell to be born in this world? Was it the last time that he was loved by his own mother? He couldn't remember well. He never was good with memories to begin with. But the sensation which was coming from those cuddling was unearthly warm; they almost could melt his heart even after all those lonely years.

And when he was about to fall sleep, even though he already was far taken and it was just a dream; those hands agitation got different all of sudden. It was like that they didn't belong to his mother and their touches weren't motherly even a little, not anymore. He still could see little Kasuka who was dreaming of future days across the room. But those hands were probing all over his sensitive skin and stroking him more sexually that he ever got touched in his entire life. He felt ashamed of feeling excited from bustles of those hands while his brother and a shadow of his mother from old days were in the same room as him. He blushed when a the hand that was on his nape had found its way to his right earlobe under his head upon the pillow, while the other was under his left arm touching his chest and make him shudder on its way to his abdomen. A warm breath added to them while blowing in his left ear on top of him. He stopped breathing for a moment. Was he still dreaming? He wasn't sure anymore. The hand on his stomach was crumpling his shirt and fondling him while taking a pass from on top of the texture to the bare skin. His breathe hitched again when he felt something pleasant like an affable kiss landed on his left cheek.

How long he was asleep? The rustling sounds coming from his back became more and more real and howbeit he was completely wearied, he began to feel the difference between dream and reality by the trails of those caring touches. The hand which had came back from its journey on his chest has started to move in a gentle caress on his left forearm and traveling all the way to his shoulder blade, then stayed there motionless. He didn't notice when the other hand on his right ear got disappeared but then… he felt a sharp sting on the left side of his neck were it was exposed on top of him. He instinctually turned in a fierce movement and pushed the aggressor with his left elbow away. A crashing sound filled the whole apartment or maybe the entire building. Now he was completely awake by the shock that had been surcharged on him. Then he jumped from his bed like if he had realized something instantly and in a sudden movement turned on the light. Izaya was sitting beneath the wall next to the bedroom's door. A trail of blood could be seen on the wall, about a palm above the current position of his head and where it likely had smacked at first, which probably was caused by slipping his body down. His eyes were shut hard. His switchblade was lying down a little further of where he had landed on the ground himself. He hissed from the pain and his left hand slipped over his head grabbing his own hairs and finding its way to the back of his head, where the encounter with the wall had happened. Shizuo while putting his left hand on the bleeding but shallow scratch on his neck started growling in menacing tone.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

After echoing that voice in the room, Izaya brought his right hand up as a shield to protect his eyes from the unexpected beams of light which were attacking his besotted eyes by looking at Shizuo's way. When his confused brain started to comprehend the situation, he started talking in the most possible shaky tone while a dull smile began to appear on his pale face.

"M-monst-"

And before he could finish that insult, his right hand fell on his lap and then he stayed silent after that. Getting faint and losing conscious after receiving such a hard impact wasn't that much of surprise. But Shizuo was standing there with his eyes widen from disbelief while he was looking at Izaya. His face was drawn in all sort of emotions; anger, quandary, fear, and a great amount of unbearable pain. His only chance of not being recluse even if it had meant to be with his archenemy was ruined by some sort of inscrutable mania. It was like if he was actually doomed to be alone all his lifespan.

…

…

**Izaya: I really didn't like the whole idea of me leaving my love nest for a beast nest. But in the end it wasn't that bad.**

**Shizuo: You ungrateful flea! You just barge into other people's house and this is how you repay them?! I kill you!**

**Raviza: Eh! I thought that you two start getting along by sleeping under the same roof an-**

**Shizuo: Like hell! I accepted the role because it was about me and Kadota being pal and me and Vorana's romance!**

**Raviza: Eh! Didn't you see the last part of the summary?**

**Shizuo: No, I never have been patient to read something thoroughly. What is it about?**

**Izaya: That's not something to be proud of! And as your answer I should say… nothing that a protozoan can comprehend~.**

**Raviza: Ok, I get it! You two want a good fight to unload all this energy; but you have to wait a little more! Dear readers~ I hope you enjoyed reading it~! So tell me how you felt through your encouraging reviews ;)**


	6. Sorrow land

Chapter six**:**

**Sorrow land**

…

"I thought you should know."

_"__Sure, thanks. But I can't come over right away. I think of something… but anyway, how long you can stay there?"_

"I just talked to my boss. My new colleague is there with him so I think… I'll stay here until he wakes up."

_"__Did Shinra say when that might be?"_

"He said it's nothing serious, so he will be awake soon."

_"__Really?! I mean… i-it's good to hear."_

"Kadota, look… I'm… ah, really sorry."

_"… __Um, it's somehow… weird! Are you apologizing for hurting Izaya?! You two always fight. It's… nothing new!"_

"I know! I didn't start to doubt over his essence as a flea; the thing is… he's your-… he's yours."

_"__Huh, whatever that means! I should get going now… so please call me when he wakes up. Thanks again."_

"Ok, I call you if anything happens."

Shizuo hanged up with a sigh of relief. He threw his phone and let it to slip on the couch beside him. Then he let go of his exhausted statue to get drown in that light color couch which he was sitting on it in the past hours. He had a tiny white sticker on his neck, where the slight cutting had occurred the former night. And when he closed his half closed eyes while searching for a second in the flawless current of calmness, a flash memento of yesterday's incidents passed before his darkened vision.

He didn't get that much of asleep last night. After his supposal victorious squabble with that parasite and leaving for his assuasive bedroom; at most he got about an hour of napping before the rest of his bizarre night began. When he was cautious enough to notice that Izaya tried to kill him in some ways, he had already beaten him by reflex and there was nothing more to do except bewilderment and relent. And after that his nemesis had lost his conscious in his apartment, or to put it specifically in his bedroom. Then he didn't see any other option except bringing the attacker who became the victim to their mutual underground doctor friend. When he ranged the doorbell of Kishitani's apartment, he expected to see an angry Shinra for barging there in that hour. But then the first answer that he got from his friend who came to door with a somnolent face was 'I can't revive the dead, Shizuo-kun!'… Now he was sitting there after reporting some of those events to in the closet boyfriend of his nemesis.

If there was any chance then he would take back all his actions from that spot when he started following the insect. He felt penitent for everything that happened the day before that and it was pushing him further and further while being in a state of acedias by lack of sleep. Of course he could manage a night or two without getting any asleep but it was his psychological state which was at stake there. When he was in his regretful posture, fishing any opportunities for changing the past; without him knowing Celty has sat beside him for some moments by then. And when he opened his eyes again and see the black biker there; he was about to jump and punch something in backlash. But instead of losing it, he just flinched harshly and then twisted his head in another direction along with a deep sigh. He got a fistful of his blond hairs which were somehow sloppy at that time.

"Damn it! When did you come here?!"

Celty flinched slightly herself when Shizuo reacted so disconcerted by her company in her own house! She started typing almost panicked on her PDA before showing her words to her thunderstruck friend.

[Ah, sorry. I didn't mean to fluster you. Are you alright?]

Shizuo sighed again while letting go of all that tensely which had been brought to him with the surprise appearance. To try getting relax he slid a little more on the couch while answering somehow in a brown study.

"I'm fine… just a little tired. How is Shinra doing?"

He closed his eyes again while exhaling smoothly in sedating manner. But then he heard some hardly audible sounds from typing even in that silent room. Needless to say she wasn't about to drop it just yet.

[He has made himself occupied by rearranging some stuffs over there. But since you came here, you had that face… so I was kind of worried. Are you sure that you're alright?]

"I'm fine... really."

And after a little pause.

[You don't look fine! At least be honest with me.]

"How could you tell?! I'm telling you that I'm fine."

Then she began shaking slightly. Was she angry? Shizuo's brain couldn't point out the real reason. She might be giggling within herself for remembering some awkward joke; or being slightly embarrassed for any reason that Shizuo wasn't aware of it; or just a little flustered by thinking how to explain something on her mind to him! Anyway it was a severe task to recognize her state without seeing a face… which that fall head over the heels friend of them had the master degree on that. After some more quivering she started typing a long message on her boarder.

[Once that I had asked Shinra about the human's emotions… he mentioned some categories that humans made as a try to name those qualities. I had heard about all of them before but there is some kind of professional definitions or something. He told me that the most of humans have the same pattern in expressing those emotions in their facial features… at least in the most known cultures. Like the forms of their lips or eyes. And I believe that I know your current features very well. Maybe from the time that I spend here… or maybe even before that. So please don't tell me that you're fine when you have that face!]

Her black smokes were whirling and pushing their way out of that yellow helmet in a swift motion. There was no doubt about that being anger! He didn't have his sunglasses so that made him to feel more exposed in some way. Then he straightened his back on the cushions and answered in an almost surrendering tone.

"I'm not saying that you don't get human's emotions. It's just hard to express them sometimes... like if you can't even name them yourself."

[Then you should try harder!]

"I'm already doing that! I'm trying so hard but it doesn't look sufficient at all!"

Celty didn't expect from Shizuo to lash out that way. There was something truly wrong about all that.

"Look... I'm just… tired. You want me to express myself? I want that too. But I really don't think that it might be that simple. Sure there are some feelings that can be expressed just in our faces features, or be put in words. But there are things that just can be sensed… they should be called... maybe... some sort of personal fleeting experiences; because... even we ourselves can't grasp over their traits in other occasions. I'm sure that you experienced them too. Trust me; I want to tell you how I feel but... I feel feeble of doing so."

Then before he could let all that dejection drawn him in the sorrow, he had to read what she wrote very fast out of panic.

[What do you mean? Are you unhappy in some way? Is it because of Izaya's doings?]

He brought both of his hands to his face, hiding it for a short moment before revealing that broken face to his friend all over again. It was mostly a try to pushing away his dizziness over a sleepless night and focusing to form a fluent reply. He didn't bother to change his pose and in the meanwhile stroking his hairs beside his right ear and all the way to his nape; and then he started talking in a way that it was more like conversing with himself.

"It's not about him… but no, maybe it is. I mean... it's not like the usual and typical way of our lives. I constantly accused his scrawny ass for so many sabotages. And anyway... who are we kidding? He is at fault evermore… and no shit; there is even more than that! But last night... I-I misunderstood things. I told him something that I believe it was because of my own failures. I felt lonely and lost… howbeit it always has been this way... like forever! But I has always considered him lonelier and more departed than myself. So when I found the variety against it… everything got upside down. I mean... What the hell?! Am I jealous of someone like him?! If that so then I'm truly screwed! Everything that happened to me up until now suit me right!"

He sighed, letting go of his hairs by then and bringing a cigarette from his pocket and holding it between his lips without lighting it up... doing all that in some rate of rage which was about to blown him up. Then his tensed structure get soft all of sudden after an exhale out of that cigarette, even though there was no nicotine smoke to calm him down. It was an afterglow of a despondency attack. When one let go of their thoughts like they just found the peace in naught.

"I f-feel like… I just want to push... a-all these failures out of me. But it's not possible if not letting go of myself first. That's right, I really want to let go of my… failures… of my life. I-I want to... to put it up upon a tree so maybe someone find it and pick it up… then maybe they can use it in a better way in my place."

Celty put both of her hands on his shoulders in a panicked move and brought him to face her. If she had a face then what kind of expressions she would show him by hearing those words? For sure she would be open-mouthed with her eyebrows knotted at the extreme level. But then she just had her helmet so she had to show him her emotions through her words. Not believing in what she just heard, she started typing after letting go of his shoulders.

[What are you saying?! It's your life, Shizuo... your everything! If you let go of it then there is no one to pick it up in your place! Your life is just going to get thrown away. So please don't say such an inconsiderate thing!]

She looked at him in a disappointed manner to just get that depressed face in return again. But she didn't step back that easily and anyhow, she knew her friend better than that.

[You're not a failure, Shizuo. You didn't lose your own head, now did you? And don't put us out of the circle. Don't say that you're alone, when you have so many friends that really care about you. It's an insult to ignore us like that. And now you have a good job and a great employer. Most importantly you managed to control your own power!]

They stared at each other for a second. One from his jaded amber orbs. One through the glass of a barren helmet.

[You're an important friend of mine. That's why I don't want to see you this broken. If you took any wrong turn... then I think you're the only one who can make up for it. You're just tired… so give yourself a little vantage. Time will solve everything.]

They stayed silent in their place more than the last time. And when Shizuo was finally about to say something, a loud voice which was coming from the room interrupted him.

…

…

He could attend to the sound of water dripping on his bare skin and then spattering on the floor when some were running to sink with gurgling noises. The wetness and fervent made him feeling stupefied in some level that he didn't want to open those languid eyes so he won't lose his grasp over that trance. But he and his curiosity weren't separable. He wanted to perceive, not just tactually but simultaneously through his sights. By unclosing his eyelids, he could saw the surrounding which was filled by steamy clouds that were formed from hot water pouring on top of his hot statue. Lack of fresh air was perturbing his lungs and making him to breathe hard for reciprocating what was strained. After some gasps he turned off the water and left the shower. By taking his robe and covering himself, he stepped outside into his own apartment. The whole house was quiet; more like some scene when all the spirits and devils had took their corpses away and left their haunted house for a party at a freaking cemetery.

He couldn't remember when he had gone to take a shower. He had to be genuinely tired to forget such a thing. So he headed to his bedroom without losing a second. A flow of dizziness was escorting him and although the room was too dark, he didn't try to turn on a light or maybe it was because he thought that there was no light to begin with. As regards it was just an assumption with no evidenced at all which has formed in the back of his mazy head; like when you woke up and think it's the middle of night when you just had taken a nap at noon. Believe in things when you're not even aware of the way that they popped out in your head.

He was still standing under the door frame while looking around in bewilderment to apprehend there were some differences. Maybe it was the obscurity which was playing his senses or really someone dared to go through some changes in his private territory. But really… when did he have got there? Or why did he go there in the first place? He couldn't remember the trace of events that end up reaching there.

With his sights somehow accustomed to murkiness by then, his eyes casted around his blear room. Except that alien atmosphere, there was nothing special to get his attention so he stepped some more until he was about the center of it. At the exact moment that he stopped walking, a scratching reverberation got through his ears. He almost jumped and faced the source of the voice which was behind of him. Someone was sitting on the floor next to the door that he didn't seize over his present a moment earlier. His whole structure gone through alarm and became on guard. The darkness wouldn't let him to confirm the identity of transgressor but his shadow had a domestic aura. He was craving the floor with something. He wasn't able to see the object but he could felt how chummy it felt. It was like if the creature was calling his name to grab its lifeless frame. He stepped cautiously towards the stranger who was stanching dishabille in his house.

"Who are you?"

Both stopped; one from engraving and the other from getting close. The man on the ground rose his head while a pitchy shadow was surrounding him to save every little feature from exposure.

**_"_****_You ask that… but maybe I should be the one who's interrogating you. So tell me… who am I to you?"_**

Izaya froze in his place, not stepping back or forward. He knew that voice very well; from spending his entire life along that person.

"Am I…? This is a dream, isn't this?"

There was no doubt about that guy being himself. Even though he couldn't see the other's features, he could recognize his own self. He didn't have his jacket but those black clothes were his own typical outfit for sure. Izaya began to look over the room again; this time with a little more curiosity but at the same time somehow nonchalant. Now he could tell that it wasn't his room but a mixture of what he had of there on his mind with another place, which he couldn't remember well at that time. Then his own sound distracted him again.

**_"_****_Does it affect who am I to you?"_**

Hearing those words made the situation a little bit interesting, although it was just a dream. Izaya stepped back again and sat on the edge of the bed. Then he crossed his right leg on the left before answering in a confident voice without any emblematic of fear.

"I don't believe in truthful dreams so… you're nothing in my opinion."

The settled one started his job again, which was scratching the pitiable floor like a sorrowful effort to crave a trace of his existence into this world. His own voice which was echoing in a monotone trail reached his ears a second later… or maybe it was after a long pause. Judging the train of time through a fantasy isn't that simple.

**_"_****_Then what do you think of dreams?"_**

Izaya right hand was on his knee while tapping slightly like he was already bored and in a manner if he was waiting to wake up from that on show nightmare.

"Hum, you should already have knowledge on that. After all, you're supposed to be me! Anyhow I believe they would be the mirror of us… just a reflex of our subconscious."

The other came to a halt again while bringing up his face to look up at his own image. A little chuckle escaped from Izaya's lips, waiting for himself to retort.

**_"_****_If that so then you should be able to name what you're feeling now… because if I'm just inside of your brain's cells that means you're well aware of my nature... and by the way not the other way around. So… what is this sensation? What are you feeling through me?"_**

Now he was certainly amused by talking to himself when he felt all that twisted way of thinking which was responding to him as a listener. He had a precise hunch why he was that narcissist; it was absolutely rational. A vicious smirk covered his intelligent face and turned it into a wicked mask while clapping his hands silently in front of his lips in the middle of pursing such a humorous conversation.

"Do you just want to know how I feel? Or perhaps you want to know if I'm capable of putting it into words? So then what if you're just a fragment of my mind and... Oh, I don't give a shit about the dreams? Then isn't that as if you're asking how emptiness feels? But unfortunately it's not a thing that I can describe. So if I have to compare it with something then I chose the sensation of being born or dying. Which I don't remember the first and the second… I'm not familiar with its true nature as of now."

The other one, who surly was his image in a foggy mirror which was representing all those malefic features in return, leered in response. The shadow had a broad grin on his atrocious visage while putting his weight on both of his arms, pushing his palms on the floor and curving his back to face up like an insidious cat. Then he asked in a tone which was wavering from the elation.

**_"_****_Then… why such a contrast? When you're not even familiar with your own source of information!"_**

Izaya was at blessing by such a companion. He wanted to talk with this person more and more. He could sense an unshakable composure while the other was twisting things in unforeseen directions and not putting one step back even after the other had smacked the comeback at his face. Izaya dragged his right hand and placed it on the bed a little too far to be a comfortable pose. And then he has bended his body in such a way that could support his weight in the new form. After indwelling with an archly smile which brought aglow sparkles to his eyes, he retorted.

"Because they are the closest things that I believe have the most adjacency with nothingness."

One brunet snickered, one just saved the grin. Then the shadow began to stand. His sluggish trunk was in front of the man on the bed in a blink of an eye; like he didn't walk at all and at the second that he had stood, he was already there. Not a second later he had put his right hand on Izaya's chest a little upper where his heart was beating hard from all that trills. His own switchblade was now in that hand. The other him put one of his legs on the edge of the bed between his knees while spreading them little by little, made the robe slides on the skin to manifest his pale thighs. His left hand was caressing his nape in a seducing demeanor, touching his wet fair hairs and making him to shudder up to the edge of holding his breath. He got too closed that even in that darkened room his fabulous features became readable to the other man. He could see his own face which despite all those hazardous details still was so brilliant to give any observer the wings to soar. Then he reached Izaya's ear while blowing breezily on his cheek to whisper his next words to him.

**_"_****_So how it feels? Not nothingness… but to be frightened by its adjacency?"_**

The shadow dragged his left palm while carrying that treacherous sharp object in his right to where both of his hands get connected in one spot. Then the forte started to point at the naked skin, pushing in more forcefully by passing every second. Izaya was frizzed not just from being petrified, but from excitement at the same time; like it was revealing a grand uprightness by opening the gate of an unknown territory before him. He closed his eyes from agony while biting his lower lip. Until the moment a sensation began to form within him. He wasn't sitting on the edge of the bed anymore, conversely lying down on his back. But there was no ground to support him from falling and he was about to cascade in an incessant valley. He bounced from his place in genuine panic to feel a hand on the exact spot that his own shadow was piercing that direst knife into his flesh. His entire skin was covered in sweats and his hand had griped the one which was touching him in a tight grasp like begging for sweet life. His eyes locked on the bridge between those two in pure fear. But then it wasn't scary anymore. The hand was in a white sleeve which was going up and down on his chest because of his own way of unsteady breathing. His switchblade has vanished without any trace. A loud voice which was more like a scream made him to look up at his holder.

"He's up~!"

…

…

**Raviza: Hum… what was this chapter about?! I kind of didn't get it myself!**

**Izaya: Oh~, it's alright. After all, there is a high chance of you being a protozoan too~.**

**Shizuo: And a flea is the one to talk!**

**Raviza: Ok, ok! Let's put the honorifics aside for now. And by the way it was just a joke, the result wasn't that deep so~... Thanks a lot dear readers~, especially Hz-san~! About the problem with - not being " "… It's just a habit; sorry. And thanks for mentioning it; I didn't consider that it might be uncomfortable. Now it's solved~. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter~. Please review~.  
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**…**

**P.S: I had some busy days and didn't have much time to concentrate on writing. Sorry that it took a little longer for this chapter to update~.**


	7. The term of affection

Chapter seven:

**The term of affection**

…

When Shizuo and Celty rushed into the room in almost cherish manner, they found Shinra who was performing a big smile above the man upon the cot. He had stopped what he was doing before which was readjusting some bottles on a medicine table and now was standing next to the cot that Izaya was laying down on it. It was like a cliche scene where the doctor was trying to help his patient to calm down. Despite all that if someone asked their blond friend over there, then he would just say that each one of those two could be known as the worst shithead maniac in the city, which was more beseem to call them than any other honorific.

"Morning sunshine~."

Regardless of that Izaya had heard his voice, his symptoms weren't like he could focus at any rate. It took some seconds until his wandering eyes stood in a stable direction which was Shinra's way. He lazily looked at the man who still had his hand a little upper than his heart about his shoulder trying to guide him to lay down again.

"Shin-ra?! W-why I'm h-here? What... ugh... happ-ened?"

Shinra tried to push his body which was about to rise utterly from the cot to his former sitting place again, and answered him.

"Don't push yourself. It's ok if you're feeling dizzy and confused now. You had an accide- a head injury for some reasons; so you have been brought here. And you were unconscious… let me see… about five hours by now. Do you have any question... if you can think of any?"

Izaya's eyes began to round in the room again. His brain was trying to peruse the train of events. So when Shinra asked him that, the only thing that came to his mind was him.

"W-where is h-e? Whe-re is-"

Shizuo could've only guess what was after that. He thought that he could beat everyone in that room, if only the raven had spelled his next word which probably was his friend's name… or nickname, or whatever. There wasn't even one percent chance for him to guess that the genius in the room might say something foolish as 'where is the other me?'. Anyhow, he decided to interfere before it was too late. So he stepped forward and pushed Izaya who was still trying to get up while gaping around the room to look for someone and mumbling those words.

"Hey, hey! Didn't you hear the 'don't push your-damn-self' part? Lie down and shut up!"

He pushed him down, while believing that he just stopped him from saying Kadota's name like a dopey lovelorn… and meanwhile saving Shinra from hearing other people's esoteric business, considering that screw mouth of him which couldn't help but to get open frequently. Izaya hissed from the pressure that was placed on his chest. He didn't have any broken rib, but there was a large hammered area about his ribcage upper than his stomach where Shizuo's elbow had landed the night before. His mind had started to comprehend around the present factures in the room. A white coat doctor with a big creepy smile all over his face. A Dullahan in her pitch black dress made of her shadows who was standing behind him with a funny helmet upon her headless body. And that terrifying monster in his regular bartender suits who was standing in front of that group while pushing him on the white medical sheets. He remembered some flashbacks from the former night and absentmindedly brought his right hand to his bruises throat.

"Why are y-you h-ere?"

Shizuo let go of him and stepped a little backwards, while saying his words in a low but audible voice.

"I brought you here."

At first he got shocked by hearing those words. But some seconds later, his brain could put the puzzle's pieces altogether and remembering that certain scene; when he himself was sitting on the floor of that bedroom and the beast with his dumbstruck face was glaring murderously at him. Now that he remembered, it was the mixture template from the same room with his own bedroom that he saw some minutes earlier in his incubus. The same curtains and that half opened door which didn't belonged to his room. And then that man was sitting in the same place as he had been thrown by the monster. Such a ridiculous and pointless game of mind. Then he displayed a twisted smirk which was combined with the pain that he had to endure in all kind of places on his smashed body, before saying his next words.

"Yeah, sure. I re-member, now. You beat m-me. Uh~… al-ways a monster."

Shizuo's features got darkened by hearing those words. Not even a tiny tinge of gratitude and just the usual smart-ass replies. But it was Shinra who answered in his place, before the heat could go up to a level that might affect his property.

"Don't be spoil. That's not something new."

Shizuo frowned even more by hearing his friend's stupid comment which was as if he had just confirmed the accusation over him being a monster. 'Being in a room full of idiots can't be any better' then he thought.

"He's alive… so that's it, I'm leaving. See you around, Celty."

Not waiting for a reply, he headed out. She stepped in his trail to stop him before leaving and bilking their conversation bobtail. But after seeing his face, when she couldn't found any trace of that doleful man in there; she thought that it wasn't necessary anymore. Was all that about being worried for his rival?! That couldn't be! By stepping out from that illegal infirmary room Shizuo just brought up his phone and sent a message to Kadota, telling that Izaya was alright and as annoying as ever. After his leave everyone in the room stared at the door that he disappeared into it, more amused than confused… everyone because of their own peculiar reasons.

…

…

A light blow on the door brought him back from the vertigo pursuit by being hank over for some crazy hours. He was bored as hell. The sinister mastermind behind a lot of chaos in the entire Tokyo was trapped in the gingerbread house, but not as lucky as Hansel to have something to ingest. Both of grannies had left him there all by himself, without offering any bite to steer fattening the skinny boy and making a palatable meal out of him. Albeit that obstinate young man wasn't someone to nag over the lack of some brunch; but what made the situation worse for him was that he didn't possess any of his communication equipments in that isolated cell. There wasn't even a phone in that black hole. All the leads were indicant like Shinra was practicing on his sadism techniques and was putting him into misery on purpose. Being imprisoned at Alcatraz could be a cleverer cup of tea… if there was any choice to begin with! Furthermore to retain Izaya in that cage and because he was refusing all his efforts to help him at first; Shinra had to threaten him by that special memorial and his power of divulging the untold secret from their remindful middle school days. How many times the underground doctor had brought it into play to somehow blackmail the informant… neither of them could count anymore!

After Izaya had come around, he was in absolute bafflement. And it wasn't just the aftereffect of being hit on the head which made him stunned; but also that hectic hallucination that he had until it made him to jump from that nightmare in pure phobia; and then being informed about the fact that Shizuo had brought his unconscious form there… and of course there was even more to be surprised by. For growing the perplexing of the case at its utmost, the blond had to stay there for making sure that his archenemy was still kicking! It all seemed like such an absurd joke.

Anyhow, not long after comprehending around what was going on innate that wonderland; he had begun to ridicule everyone until he got avoided as usual turns. But then he was too worn out to attend to all Shinra's caveats so he just resolved to simply act against them. The brunet has decided to use his spare time there to make up for some of his sleeps depriving which was hunting him down those days. At any rate it was on the mend when he got a short nap in the day hours; so he just couldn't condone such an opportunity when he had to spend his day in absolute sloth. But then after a brief nap, Shinra had barged into the room abruptly with his typical romper attitudes and became as black as thunder at him because of his carelessness. So by making sure that he won't fall asleep again without his permission, that friend who was worse than any foe left him alone for a second time to flirt with his private fairy. But Izaya wasn't bothered as much as he pretended to be by that caring game... after all it was fun in its own way. Anyhow, after getting tortured by being individuated for about the half of a day; when in the afternoon with a knock on the door the chance of having a companion has lighted his haze heart, it was almost as if the heaven got opened its gates before him. The door twirled with the most possible cautious and without making any noise; maybe for being considerate of not disturbing him if he was asleep. But the cheer person who intruded, after seeing the raven who was staring at the entrance with a shocked face over a mere second forgot his offering smile and said his greetings hastily.

"H-hey!"

Izaya looked at him open-mouthed for some seconds, because it wasn't someone who he had expected to confront in that particular residence in any sort of scenario. By then on the other side of the room, Kadota with a broad but brittle smile has stepped inside. Then he closed the door behind his back in the same way as opening it to get flustered again by Izaya's cold-shouldered response.

"Why are you here?!"

He brought his right hand to his nap to a light touch caused by his precipitation before answering in a guilty low tone.

"Ah- Sorry, I didn't mean to obtrude… Shinra said it's alright to come in."

Izaya stared at him with nervous eyes but not in a genre which could bring up any unnecessary suspicion. Did that monster fulfilled his threat already?! That morning, Shizuo didn't stayed there too long and then some dialogues had exchanged between them, which were all mockery and insults. But despite all those events, he was lucky to have a good alibi for being pale at that point. So after Izaya softened his voice, he tried to disclose what he meant by his former comment while waving his hand in the air and with more emphasis on intimacy.

"No, I mean why a-"

But before he could explain the concept of his prior question, or had enough time to make any progress in the advance of his imagination on what the man who was standing right before him had heard from the beast; his eyes met the bondage on the Kadota's left hand. Then his not quite patient visage changed to a concern and confused one when he interrupted himself by sounding out another issue. He narrowed his sharp eyes while slanting his head and entrained his right arm towards the other delinquent as a sign of his desire to grab his warped hand.

"What happened to your hand?"

After stammering a little at first Kadota came up with a presort explanation.

"Um, I-it's nothing… I had an accident at work. I came here so… Shinra could take a look on it."

Izaya somewhat has receded his hand since the other was stuck at his previous place and then frowned before repeating the misgiving part of what he just heard.

"You had an accident?!"

Kadota just nodded lightly when he was obviously scrounging to avoid the other's gaze. Izaya could've laugh at him for being such a terrible liar if it was any other time, but then there were some mystification which needed to be clarified.

"Hey! Don't tell me that you did it yourself… to come here?!"

Kadota who didn't expect to be caught over the mere seconds got all panicked. Then he began to defend himself in obvious attempt of a valid culprit.

"Wha- No! I told you it was an accident!"

Izaya sighed in response and then made a face mixed of fury and excitement. Something that was dangerous enough for anyone in their right mind to make them run away from the person with such a features.

"Uh~, you definitely did! You stabbed yourself… because it was easier for you compared to revealing the truth about us being together and that you wanted to visit your injured boyfriend… how noble of you!"

"It's not like that! I-"

Izaya raised his right hand in a gesture which ordered him to be quiet. Then he looked at him in a furor face like if he was looking at Shizuo, the only man among his humans that he couldn't stand and he didn't even believe in his humanity.

"Ok, I get it. I'm not upset… after all you stabbed yourself just for meeting me here."

His tone was at the most possible mocking level to shame the man to the edge of wishing to get disappeared into the ground. But there was a real incoherency. Why Kadota was stepping back like that to begin with, if Shizuo had already told him about the matter that he was hiding things from him? If the monster hasn't opened his lips in the first place, then he didn't have to be worried over something which was still concealed. But it wasn't a normal reaction that he would expect from the other man either. Kadota should be looking so distressed in that kind of circumstances; like if he had committed an unforgivable crime and betrayed the human race by his sin. Something was off about that whole pattern. Izaya longed his hand again and asked for the man to come closer for a second time. He looked at him while smiling in a seemingly innocent manner.

"Come on, I'm not that angry… so stop making that face."

Kadota stepped forward but not enough to be in the other man's reach, looking at him with unsure eyes over his quirk attitudes. Then he took his beanie off and brought it in his right fist about where his own heart was beating while saying his thoughts in his usual serenity demeanor.

"I'm… happy that it wasn't anything serious."

Izaya looked at him with an awaiting face while still longing for him and before asking.

"Uh~ thanks. So... how did you learn that I'm here?"

Then again the raven looked at him with query, waiting for Kadota to answer him.

"Shizuo called me this morning; telling that you went there last night. And you two jumped at each other throats. Then… he has brought you here. He told me that you run over there because we had a... fight?!"

So that means, Shizuo didn't tell Kadota about the other incident as he had promised, at least not yet. That morning he had avoided him as much as possible, even though he had stayed there for him to wake up. But it was that protozoan with the general uncomprehending deportments of him. Now Izaya could feel a little more at ease, then he has said while pouting like a little child.

"Ow, about that… did I mistake 'you pushing me away' unknowingly with a 'fight'?"

Kadota, who was still a little bashful retorted defensively in a tone which couldn't even convince his own self, more like some weakly pleas.

"That wasn't a fight!"

Izaya chuckled, but not in typical wicked way. It was more sincere that anyone could expect from him.

"You pushed me away, darling~!"

Now that he was being himself, Kadota could stop acting like some stranger too.

"What are you? A teenage girl?! Anyway, why did you go there in the first place? When you knew he couldn't stand you… and just by seeing your face the foremost thing that you get is a crack on your head!"

So Shizuo didn't mention that he let Izaya into his house?! It was getting more and more interesting! He looked at the other man with an amused visage before replying the question in a confidence tone. Izaya knew very well how to avoid answering what he didn't want to make any comment on. The best strategy to conceal something is not to avert it directly, but to reveal another part of reality which is related to the questioned matter in some way.

"I was curious."

"Of… what?"

Kadota was standing next to the cot which was a habitual dweller in that guest room while looking confusingly at his lover's inveigling face.

"I wanted to know why he had accepted our relationship… when he hates me so much."

He answered in the same voice as before. Subsequently Kadota had a face like he had bought that.

"… So… did you find out?"

"Hum~ not really. Heh~ I have to admit that was a scandalous defeat!"

Then both smiled sincerely and then Kadota reached Izaya finally and squeezed him in a tight hug. Most the time it was Izaya who came to Kadota offering physical contact. But his seductive acts were always ending up to sex. But in the case like that, when Kadota expressed his pure affection towards him, even someone like Orihara Izaya could experience hitching his breathe by the shame of being affected. In those times when Kadota put a delicate kiss in an asexual manner on a place which wasn't his lips, like on his forehead or on his temples or just somewhere on those silky black hairs; he felt that even his icy heart could be melt. In those situations a sparkle would get formed in the back of his head, like if he asked that man then he would jump from a building just for appealing him… but then, the devil wasn't about to wash his hands of that entertaining personal pawn, not just yet… maybe it was because he wasn't a dumb pawn in the end.

The brunet grabbed that vigorous injured hand and brought it up to his dry lips. Shinra didn't give him that much to drink either, so they were too coarse compared to their velvety normal selves. But nothing that Kadota would be bothered by it. Just those warm affable touches were enough to make him satisfied for the rest of his life. But then in that gloating posture he made a pained face, something that even Izaya wasn't familiar with it.

"Does it hurt that much?"

Kadota smiled before putting a kiss on the hand which was holding his.

"Not that… but yeah, It hurts… and it's your fault; so take responsibility."

Izaya snickered but still cutely to fit in the mood.

"That serves you right~. You shouldn't do that just to come and see me. And you don't look ashamed as much as I expected you to be… for something like _this_."

Then he pointed out the bandaged hand while saying the last word.

"That's right. I'm not. You're the one who is making me to do crazy things… like _this_… and _this_."

At the first one, he repeated what Izaya had done, which was indicating his own injured palm through his gaze. The gauzed fist was on the raven's jaw by then while he was brushing his fingers lightly over the other's bruises neck. And with the second one, he put a gentle kiss on his beloved sore lips while closing his eyes, enjoying that passionate contact. Izaya took pleasure from the kiss as well, but then pushed him a little further to make some distance before using his forefinger to poke the man on the cheek.

"What? Don't be so dramatic, Dotachin! You have freewill like everyone… so you can decide what to do on your own~… right?"

Kadota still hasn't let go of his beloved in his bosom, made a more serious voice this time.

"Do you think I like to hide my relationship from my friends? Or that I like to stab myself?! And where was my freewill when you revealed everything to Shizuo? You're really pushing me up to the edge."

Izaya was a little uncomfortable over their contact lasting more than necessary.

"Huh, so concealing or revealing... everything is my fault at the end? I always considered you as a righteous man… look at where we are standing now!"

Kadota, who felt how easily Izaya was getting flustered just for being in touch with him more than his initial intention and was looking for a finagle to break away from him in silent, tightened his grip over the raven's shoulders.

"Ironic, isn't it? You're right like always. Just look at us! But you know what… telling others that I am dating a man is less complicated than telling them that I'm dating you… Orihara Izaya. You're just too damn complicated."

"Oh~, so in any approach I'm the culprit here? What? Are you tired of my complicacy? I thought you had a peaceful chat with your new buddy while he was _accepting_ us~! I didn't know that you got through some sort of trauma just for coming out in front of a protozoan."

It was such a platitudinous act. Kadota was familiar with that pattern already, even though he would fall for it on and off. It was one of those times when Izaya didn't relish the way that their conversion or intimacy were going. Then by making him mad, Kadota had to step back eventually for restraining himself. Izaya was smart as always, because that conversation wasn't about to go in some way that he liked it to.

"… Do you want me to tell you the truth? If so, will you hear me out... Izaya? Because I want to tell you something that I never voiced it out before."

A second later he was kneeling down in front of him gallantly; now his tight grip over the other's wrists. Izaya stared at him with his eyes wide open from the sheer bewilderment.

"I'm madly in love with you."

And after his passion got mixed with soreness, he continued.

"… But you already know that, don't you?"

Where did he miscalculate? This man who was sitting beneath him was one of the most predictable human among all the mankind. He had put him in the middle of all sort of chaos by then, and he always had acted in the exact way that he thought he would. Of course he wasn't boring even a little bit... it was because of his morality or strong spirit; Izaya liked to find it out as well. But then no, it wasn't his mistake. For sure that monster's companion was already affecting him in weird ways, like if that beast's unpredictability was contagious. Kadota was the type who wouldn't accept being pushed by the other people. That was the pristine reason behind Izaya's persistency more or less, so he could control him like a puppet as he preferred. And he was always twisting him around his little finger until then. Because Izaya never had gave him the right reasons to act on it. So in that moment if he was going to deny his feelings, then it would have just reverse effect. He didn't expect something like that to happen so out of blue, without any warning... and so early to begin with. It was just two months. He knew that he had to be careful on choosing his acts when it comes to something like that... human's pure affection.

"It's better if you stand up. Shinra might barge into the room without any heads up."

…

…

**Raviza: Dotachin! [Sob] Aaaaaaaaaaah~! Such a romantic man~ [Sob]!**

**Izaya: Why are you crying over something that you wrote it yourself?!**

**Shizuo: She's right for once... and because Kadota is a true man.**

**Izaya: Both of you are stupid. And you sound like Elfman, Shizu-chan! Sappy giants!**

**Shizuo: And you're just too ungrateful!**

**Izaya: I didn't ask for anything in the first place that I should be grateful for!**

**Raviza: Sometimes even I think you don't deserve those pure emotions, Izaya-san [Sob]. Thanks dear readers~! Until the next chapter~ [Wink&Sob]!**

**Izaya: Let's hope that you live enough to finish this fanfiction~ **[Wink].**  
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**…**

**P.S: Thanks a lot dear Namie the killer~ :D To tell the truth I'm really into this paring... they are just soooo cute~. I always thought that Dotachin deserved more love; but it's an eventual Shizaya, so I'm not sure if I'm doing him a favor! And yeah, Shizuo can be really nice sometimes… but I don't want to spoil the real motives more than this here. I hope you like it until the end XD**

**…**

**P.S-2: I'm really sorry about the grammar mistakes. Every time that I look back, I see some of them in the former chapters ;_; But that means I'm getting better to notice them, right?! ;) So please be patient with me. I promise a chapter without any mistake very soon~! Now that was weird.**


	8. Not every fallen has a second chance

Chapter eight:

**Not every fallen has a second chance**

…

"It's better if you stand up. Shinra might barge into the room without any heads up."

Kadota just sat in his place persistently, squeezing the other's hand in his grip with more pressure. He looked up with pleadingly eyes, almost if they were about to get wet from an unknown sadness coming to life as tears, so maybe they could soak and wash themselves out. He was asking what Izaya was directly trying to avoid. He wasn't that thickheaded. He didn't bring it up to hear the same confession from that ice queen. He wasn't looking for a leverage to pressure Izaya to act as his please, like the other man used to play with people around him. He just wanted some sort of certificate, a guarantee, that there was something normal between them. Even if what he was feeling couldn't be mutual in anyway… a shred of emotion, any kind of pure fondness from the other man could make him content at that point. But maybe he wanted too much already… to ask for something like that. Because what he was ordering didn't apply to Izaya's trickery and waggish character of him. But all Izaya did was twisting subject and blowing it up from inside like a bubble… to avoid giving up on the image that he has created in the last decade of his complicated life.

"Come on! What do you expect me to say? 'Ok, I accept your stupid feelings. Let's be more than fuck-buddies from the next day'?! Above it all, it's not like if we can marry or something. And you're not even cool about others finding out just yet! So what is that you want? I'm the one who hit my head… and you're mumbling nonsense?!"

Kadota seemed more pensive by hearing what was mostly truth. Not having a clear answer, he turned his head back to avoid that piercing gaze. After a deep sigh Izaya did the same; because Kadota wasn't good at quick comebacks, even though he has started all that himself. Kadota lowered his head and put it on the locked hands. He inclined his head to the right while watching the room quietly. He could sense that warmth combined from their body's temperature on his cheek. That fervor was making him to feel some form of attachment, like if he had belonged to there. Leaving the room dormant for some moments, both men were staring demurely at any sort of stuff that came handy around the occupied room; letting the earth to circuit so universe can digest whatever was going on between them. Sitting there, hand to hand, had calmative effect; but even that didn't mean to be together literally or even to share the same emotions equally. When by passing some seconds, each of them got drowned in their own thoughts, neither of them was able to see the pain in the other's features in that whipstitch. Unforgettable mementos were hunting them down by poking on all the weak nerves. Like how shameful it felt to swallow the rage after trying hard to overcome stinging jealousy by perceiving others in their paradise. Or how one couldn't forgive themselves for wanting platitudinous things which they always mocked others for wanting them. Or how onerous it could be to try and be yourself when you had stopped playing that role for so many years already. Or how could you felt failed to entrust your heart in other's hands, when you didn't even trust them to price it at its true value.

But after staying quite for some minutes when that ominous silent broke eventually, it wasn't a sound that cracked it. It was just an unspoken act of that intelligent creature known as human which was proud of language through its glorious history. Izaya leaned back until his right shoulder reached to the wall. Then while he was raising his head to bring out his face from the shade of his bangs, he presented a vicious grin… definitely not an innocent way of communication. The rustling sounds had made Kadota to look up again at his beloved. Then that gesture made him to scowl quietly in return as a sign of his worrisome over the possible meaning of such a wicked pose. The ascended man from his higher place was looking down with his cruel eyes on the woeful prey, who was still kneeling down in front of his majesty. And while he was using the hinder wall for getting support, then all of sudden he began tittering to beget a strangulation aura of humiliation and then boosting it up to the extent in no time. Even snatching his right hand from the other's tight grip wasn't enough to decrease the degree of disrespectfulness. He brought it up to cover half of his magnificent visage with the back of his hand. But as a matter of fact, he wasn't able to stow any of those affront giggling which were escaping from those flouting sexy lips.

"Ah~, pardon me! Pft, I didn't mean to b-banter at all… Heh, but remembering what you just s-said… Ahah~! You're saying some interesting… big words actually… for someone who stabbed himself to dissimulate his affair~."

Kadota gulped hard. His face was crimson red from the mixture of rage and shame. Then he just put more force on his grip over the only hand that was left in his palms out of reflex.

"I- I told you it wasn't like that!"

Izaya, not feeling even a little bit incommodious, continued to deride the poor man without offering any mercy. Now a wanton smirk was covering his infectious but charming face. He used his free hand to caress a lock of Kadota's hair and pushing it behind his ear while playing enticingly with those strands between his elegant long fingers.

"You're absolutely right. How untactful of me! You just told me all about that~. So can you remind me… how it was again?"

Kadota while forgetting his former gallant gesture when he gathered all his courage to admit something like that a little earlier; now was shaking slightly from uprising emotions. Confused himself, he didn't even know to come pleading or ireful. But he thought for a second that he was just one step beyond punching that man right in his abstractive face… that fascinating person whom he just confessed his sincere affection towards him. Being amazed and angry by that man wasn't something new to him, but wearing for sure.

"I couldn't come here and shout all the way so everyone could be notified about us being together! We agreed on keeping things like this for now… so why I should be ashamed for not betraying our promise?"

Izaya put his index finger on the other brunet's lips, locking them seductively.

"Hush! Ok, ok~ don't yell… someone might overhear us. Betraying such a promise mistakenly is not acceptable~! So it was like that, ha? You grown into a cheap coward, so you can't even bear the consequences of your own decisions… oh dear, where is my brave prince that I once met before? Is he all gone now~?"

Izaya was acting all disappointed while moving his right hand in the air. But one of them wasn't playing there; because when Kadota gritted his teeth with fury it wasn't an act… and just sheer resentment.

"Is it all a joke to y-"

Kadota was already at his limit and his hand almost squeezing the other's wrist with ultimate power. It was probably capable of breaking a more fragile one in the same situation. Then without any warning the table just flipped naturally. Not letting him to finish his sentence, Izaya dragged him up from his place with his adroit right hand fiercely. That dangerous man seemed full capable of choking him up outrageously while pressing that bony neck with both of his freed hands. He has made the heavier body to become half-stood on his toes, while he had to lean on the cot's edge with his upper thigh. Kadota brought up both of his arms by reflex and put them on the other's chest to support his weight in his new unbalance form. A deep frown has drawn a deep knot between Izaya's eyebrows. Kadota's feature was getting all twisted by downright wonder over what he has done to make the other to lose it like that. And then by hearing the tone of the next words that left informant's lips, his whole structure got stiffened. It wasn't even a little bit mockery, and just pure threatening and disgracing. As if even his voice was capable of slaughtering.

"Joke? No, it's absolutely not! So stop fucking play games with me, Dotachin! Did you think within your chimp brain that I'm going to fall for such a dumb act?"

Kadota was staring confusingly at him, while his widened eyes were such a suitable evidence of his unbelievable state over getting that harsh reply. Although he wasn't scared even a little bit, the smashing shock made him unable to react in versus of that kind of insult. He almost murmured 'was your heart always this distrustful towards me?'. But before he could say any retort to defend or just plea for being target of such a cruel accusation; the sound of doorknob stopped him from doing so. Both of them has flinched and then just frizzed momentary.

They let go of each other mostly, but not all the contacts could be hidden in such a short given time. Even when the door was completely opened and the third leg was already present there, Kadota's arms were still on Izaya's chest. And Izaya's hands were about the other's shoulder slightly in touch with his neck; like if they were about to kiss… passionately! Their angry visages which were staring at the entrance could've been mistaken for ones being at rage from having an intruder; and not for being in a skirmish situation for that matter.

By all surprise the interloper wasn't the one whom they premeditated over his appearance. And so the intruder wasn't anyone but their blond friend in his usual bartender suits who barged into the guest room of someone else's house and without even bothering to knock at first. But not a second later and before any word could exchanged between those three; the next raider who was the named host barged into the room without offering any warning either. Shinra who was following after Shizuo stepped into the room in his usual airhead manner while rumbling and rumbling in a fast monologue. He didn't give enough time so anyone could've prevent him from coming inside… or even have a chance to change their awkward poses.

"Shizuo-kun, don't go on a tour in other people's house… even if you want to kill their guest! That's not pol-i-… eh?!"

And He just shut up when that bizarre scene smacked him right in the face. He stopped before bumping into Shizuo from behind to see those two who were still sticking to each other; of course not with angry visages anymore but a little funny from the shock of facing more than one advents. They eyed each other silently and when Kadota has took one step back, their hands slipped from each other finally. Then in a flash, something flew towards Izaya in the light speed. He dodged it by a hair's breadth before everything it was could've initiated the end of his genius brain's history. And so a loud sound filled the whole apartment to fright every one of them in the room. Even though that kind of shout was routine for their hometown's streets, the rest of them forgot to breathe briefly.

"Don't make me to see you all over each other every damn time, morons!"

Only after pushing all that anger out by saying those sacred words, he just noticed what he had done… while another person was present in the room. He looked completely dumbfounded before turning back slowly in guilty demeanor over the slip of his tongue to face Shinra at his back.

"Ah-"

All of them looked at him in pure bafflement for a pause. Then Izaya turned his head to look at what just had been thrown at him, which was recumbent on the floor.

"That's-"

Then Shinra's comment cut his murmuring low voice.

"What… is going on here?"

Izaya sighed while taking his eyes away from the new victim of the beast's violence and after presenting a shallow smirk towards Kadota, he began to act like his usual chatty amused self who loved the melody of his own voice.

"Hum~… It's nothing~! Dotachin was trying to dodge a piano which was falling from the sky… and then his ankle tripped. So you can say that I just saved him from crushing his worthless skull."

He said the last part like 'Your welcome, but it wasn't that important anyway'! Then he didn't stop and started rumbling more and more. Maybe leaving him there all the day wasn't that much of a smart act in the end.

"Or no~… perhaps it was more like if Dotachin was giving me a little massage over my stiffened shoulders. Because you know… my poor neglected body got all cramped by sitting here all the day… alone! Or maybe it wasn't even that either… let me see~. I just remembered an awkward scene from a minute earlier, when he was kneeling down in front of me while confessing his undying love! Oh~, such a sweetheart… This one truthfully left me in tears~."

Everyone and even Kadota were looking at him in utter bewilderment by hearing those nonsense jabberwockies from that strange person who was also well-known as a proud man. But then he started babbling even more! And it was completely indecipherable for all of them, if he was angry or mockery in the end. He made a pose as if he was trying so hard to remember an old memory by pushing his index finger on his temple while narrowing his eyes.

"But really… which one was that? For heaven's sake; I can't remember! Not now that this monster with his retarded face appeared from nowhere~. So… can you _please_ perish peacefully, monster-kun? Shoo, shoo!"

Izaya was playing his words with his hands at the same time, when Shinra meddled with a sigh before readjusting his glasses upon his nose. Then he didn't give any more chance to him so he could continue catching up for all that isolated day… and Shizuo could have more twitching veins on his face.

"So… it was a piano falling from the sky, ha?"

Both Kadota and Shizuo turned his way with unbelieving eyes. Those two supposed to be the smart ones between the gang… but something was seriously wrong and against the reality that they were familiar with.

"What? It's just more logical compared to the other two scenarios… when someone is being kind towards an antisocial jerk like him!"

Izaya leered at him and then snickered almost bitterly in response.

"And you're the one to talk… our poor Courier-san~."

Shinra, who heard just one part retorted nervously… but almost jokingly, because he knew Izaya better than anyone to be worried about him in that way.

"Eh! What do you mean by _our_?!"

Izaya ignored him by pouting cutely and then while grabbing Kadota's unharmed hand; he started playing with his fingers absentmindedly. Some seconds has spent like that while all of them were looking at his sad and somehow regretful face with query. Not wincing back his hand, Kadota was looking at his calm face with admiring eyes. Falling all over again in love with such an adorable creature could've happened to him in every second of his life those days. His breath hitched by the familiar pressure on his chest and then he turned his head to see the other two who were staring at them confusingly. His mouth got opened but stayed voiceless for some seconds before deciding to say his next words.

"What he said is true… we ar-"

But before he could finish his sentence, it was Shinra who interrupted him.

"I know."

Kadota looked at him openmouthed, not following what he means by that; until he heard Izaya's voice.

"He already knew. I told him about us awhile ago. Then I asked him to don't mention it to anyone… especially you."

Kadota looked at him with puzzled face, but not angry in any way. He had enough of that from what they gone through in Shizuo's case… so he didn't want to repeat all that in front of their friends for a second time. Then he heard Izaya who said in a low voice that he never had heard from him before.

"He's my only friend. What did you expect?"

Kadota's eyes got locked with him. No shaking orbs, no shame, no brazen… just a doleful distant face was staring back at him. Shinra's voice took their attention again.

"Sorry about that. It wasn't like I had a choice. But… I just couldn't believe that you're this dumb to fall for someone like him. Anyway… let's celebrate~! After all, one of the only two good for nothing friends of mine is not going to die in solicitude anymore… even if it means to spend the rest of his useless life next to someone stupid as you!"

The serious tone of Shinra has faded away by his joker side in the midway. Kadota looked at Shizuo with a perplexed front.

"How can he insult all of us in just one sentence?"

Shizuo not caring that much about the insults that were targeting him answered almost happily.

"Believe me when I'm saying this… it doesn't feel even a little bit normal, if you find out one of your friends is dating a flea!"

All of them looked cheery. Almost like the past days at high school… of course when there was enough distance between Izaya and Shizuo.

"So funny, Shizu-chan. Why are you here anyway?"

"I came to ask something from Shinra… for taking care of my bonsai. And why the hell I should report to you?"

Shizuo has answered him according to the atmosphere, before remembering who he was talking to. Izaya made a funny face over hearing the 'my bonsai' part that was obviously indicating his gift… and with his ulterior motives behind it anyway. But then Shizuo said the rest of his reason for coming there in an upfront unpleasant manner.

"And because I was coming here anyway, I brought your shitty bag too."

Izaya laughed by hearing that as if the monster did him a favor. He pointed out his bag on the floor that Shizuo had thrown it at him some minutes earlier.

"Huh, my bag… the one that I left at your house… and now the bag itself, as well as its contents, all became just firsthand garbage! Don't ever think of working as a courier with such a delivery, Shizu-chan!"

Izaya was referring to that he had forgotten to mention to Kadota that he had let Izaya to spend the night at his house, but there was no reason to tell him the whole matter. Just teasing that monster a little looked satisfying at that moment.

Reminding him of that, Shizuo remembered when he decided to come there. That day for the first time, he had skipped from his work as the Tom's bodyguard. In the afternoon, after sleeping most of his day, he was sitting in his own bedroom while staring at that blood stain on the wall. He had to clean it up as soon as possible. Something like that could be weird if someone sees it. The thing that he didn't have anyone to invite there and the stain was too dark already to be recognized as blood had made him lazy of doing that instantly… anyway he had to get rid of it sooner or later. But that day he was too tired, so he just decided to don't think of it for the rest of night. He could remember some of his dialogues with Celty… which was too awkward! If he heard himself saying those things then, so he could beat himself within an inch of his life for that! Really what was that? Has he lost his mind to say those crazy things? He was sure about one thing. He had to talk with her, before she could take them seriously when he was just babbling over some unreasonable weariness.

But then he saw a black bag on the floor of his living room from his sitting place upon the edge of his bed. It was the one that Izaya carried with him last night. He didn't tell Kadota that he let him inside of his house, so handing it to him in Izaya's place was kind of inappropriate. Shinra had said that he's going to keep Izaya for two or three days, so he could be sure about his health. Then he thought that he can get rid of Izaya's stuffs, while asking for some guidance from Shinra about taking care of his bonsai. While he was following that train of events in his mind, Shinra's chirpy voice brought him back to present time.

"Oh yes~, let's throw a party! How about here?"

By exchanging a glance with Izaya, Kadota was the one who said something after a sigh.

"Shinra, look… no one expect the four of us in this room know about that matter… and for now we wan-"

"Really?! Ok, ok. So we don't have to tell others about the real reason~. Let's just have some fun while celebrating this in our hearts!"

Then again Kadota answered before letting Izaya to find the chance.

"If you put it that way… then I guess it's not a problem."

Then he turned towards Izaya.

"Are you cool with it too… darling~?"

Mimicking Izaya wasn't something that Kadota would do too often, but he felt a libertine urge to tease the brunet in response to what he was doing to him… like every second of everyday. Shizuo and Shinra both grimaced over hearing that to be said to Izaya, but the frank mockery in that could repress most of their disgust. Izaya had to admit it in some way or another while there was no escape left. So he said in a bored tone.

"Yay, party~. Let's keep it at that."

The sound of apartment's door getting open in a swift motion reached into the room. It was obviously her.

"Oh, my sweet angel is home~! We should tell Celty about getting a party here."

Then Kadota followed him before leaving the room.

"I'll ask her… if you don't mind."

Shinra nodded happily and then both exited the room, neither of them even looking back. Now there were just the two of Izaya and Shizuo. The raven brought his hands up carefreely to lock his fingers together behind his head where they touched a tiny stick that Shinra had put it on his wound. Not feeling that uncomfortable he smirked while saying his next words to his mortal enemy.

"Does it look this way to you as well? That your acceptance affected him… like too much~?"

Shizuo eyed him… but not angrily for saving the awkwardness. His look was more like a wise and older friend.

"More like if he has made up his mind."

Izaya stared at him from his sitting place. He was standing next to the door in a far distant from him; and the door was open too. But he could hear other's cheery voices from the living room so there was no risk that one might overheard what he was about to say.

"Seriously… why didn't you fulfill your threat and expose me to Dotachin… if I may ask?"

Shizuo stared at him quietly for some seconds before answering in a low but certain tone.

"Do you remember what happened last night?"

He didn't forget how their conversation had gone the night before, when he asked the brute to tell him about his beholds.

"Hum~ not much. Did you kick me in your sleep~?"

"Stop fooling around, bastard! You attacked me… when I was asleep!"

"Oh, did I? How sneaky of me~… But I mean are you sure about that? Anyhow by you being a monster and all, there is always a chance that you-"

But before avoiding more than that Shizuo interrupted him and hit the nail on the head again… like when he accused him for using his personal life's information to bargain for what he wanted to draw out from Shizuo.

"You don't remember again, do you?"

But all he got in response was just a straight full force glare.

"I-is it some kind of… illness? Dose Shinra know about this too?"

"…"

"You don't remember any of that night either… am I right? That's why you wanted to know about it so badly… if I'm not mistaken."

Izaya wasn't about to open his mouth… and not for that exact person to begin with. He was glaring at him as if he was asking for a reason to don't slay him right there and then. So Shizuo gave him what he wanted; not because he was terrified by the other man, but just for being that the right thing to do. He brought a cigarette to his lips and lightened it up before saying his next words. He would tell them to anyone else if they were in Izaya's place, and in the exact moment that they asked for it. But not to that person; and no matter what color destiny will present itself to them. Anyhow, fate was slyer than he ever could think of. Now he felt something new inside of him. Something was shining, or just has started sparkling in that day... something similar to the lack of his trust or just sympathy towards the other man.

"You really didn't do that much; except being creepy! You were scratching that wall when I reached there. Then I asked you… um, I asked you if you really are… yourself. So you started mumbling like "Who am I?" or saying your own damn name like if it was your first time hearing it. And then… you just… snapped. You attacked me. But not like always. You really tried to kill me that time… No shit, it was for real! Like if you wanted me dead for good!"

Shizuo was getting angry by remembering all that. He has begun shaking from the risen rage inside of him when Izaya's voice brought him back to that room.

"I really want you dead. What happened after that?"

He looked at him through an unpleasant glare over hearing such an unfair comment in a frank reply despite all his efforts over sharing those unwelcomed memories with that insect. He tried to calm himself down with dragging in the nicotine smokes from his cancer stick, so he could complete his mission.

"You were somehow slower than usual… so I put you down. After that you just ran to wherever the hell you did."

Izaya could remember the rest well enough. That night he had left Kadota and went to his own apartment to take care of something, and then he just slept there. After that he had found himself beneath that man… no, not a man… a monster. And not even that person's next words could change his prejudicial opinion towards him… at least not just yet.

"Listen… I'm- ah, really sorry… that I had threatened you by revealing that night events and exposing something like that to Kadota."

Izaya, not believing what he just heard, was looking at him with wide eyes from pure bafflement.

"I mean… If you don't want him to know that you're sick, then it means you really care about him. So again... I'm sorry for what I told you last night. I won't tell him if you don't want him to know."

Izaya's visage changed uncontrollably and a wide smirk land on his lips.

"Shizu-chan~, your way of reaching conclusions is really weird! It's too hilarious that I don't even know to laugh or cry!"

"Shut up! I told you what I came here for. Now get better soon and go to see a doctor for your messed up head."

Izaya smirked more viciously, like all the time while he was enjoying himself by annoying others.

"What you came here for~? Didn't you just say that you wanted to ask something from Shinra?! Come on, I was supposed to be the liar one!"

Shizuo reached the door knob while trying to not pull it out from its righteous place by his unbridle furor… thanks to the other man's provocations. He said his last words in hurry, so he could leave there without any undesirable damage towards his friend's house.

"Just go and die from whatever disease you have, asshole!"

When Shizuo left the room, Izaya's whole skeleton started shaking. Like if he was enduring a lot of pain and misery from something in his stomach. After a full minute of torture; he just burst into laughing while shuddering like if he had been affected by an earthquake. He even displaced that cot with him from its former spot. Shinra barged into the room with a panicked look all over his face.

"What is that?! You scared the hell out of me!"

He was alone. Obviously Kadota had left already without saying him farewell. Izaya just continued laughing while giggling some indiscrete words.

"Ahahahahaha~ Ah… I… Ahaha… w-wo-… Ahahaaaaha~ -on Haha!"

Shinra looked at him with query a little more before deciding that whatever it was couldn't be more important than his beloved in the next room. So he just left the room after seeing his old friend gone crazy like his usual self. Then he closed the door with a loud voice from being annoyed by all those gaffs. When Izaya could take back his composure and stop laughing like a little fiendish symbol of misfortune, finally he mumbled something meaningful to himself.

'Didn't you ever heard of 'Winner takes all'… you poor fallen souls~?'

…

…

**Izaya: He's a protozoan without fail, isn't he?**

**Raviza: Don't say that~… He's just a little slow. [Mumbling] **_**Compared to a twisted maniac guy that we all know, of course he is!**_

**Shizuo: Who are you talking about?**

**Izaya: Yep, he is~!**

**Raviza: No one special~! A friend of a friend, I guess?! Hehe! He's facing some troubles in his life.**

**Shizuo: Is he having love related problem or something? You know, because it's always the case.**

**Izaya: His damn sharp instinct! But in the end he doesn't have a brain up there!**

**Raviza: Please~ I don't want to get threatened by one of you guys like… every chapter! Dear readers~ thanks for your time and encouragements~! I would be really happy to know your opinions on this as well :D**

**…**

**P.S: Thanks a lot dear NessaTheSinner~! I can guess how you're feeling XD But please endure my dear friend! You have to be patient so our poor Dotachin gets his heart broken… and then Shizuo can have his chance o_O I'm not as cruel as I look~ just a little &**_**too much&**_** into dramas! Until the nexty~.**


	9. Juliet can be a stone

Chapter nine:

**Juliet can be a stone**

…

It was a heavenly unruffled evening on the streets. A mellow breeze was circulating in the air, freshening people's hearts, heightening up their spirits and tranquilizing every passer on the coward region of Ikebukuro. Even the lights of city seemed more blurry than their usual selves while making a dazing milieu around them. Some sparrows were still singing to mix the era of forgetting nature under the shadow of modern cities before their sounds could muffle behind the horn and brake screeches. The darkness was about to swallow the rest of brightness remained from the munificent sun and dazzling beams were hiding more and more behind the mankind's artificial search of ambition. But the calmative form of that picture was as if the soul of city itself has gone numb under the effect of a strong sedative.

It was after sunset when they got done with their work. Despite all the persistency of the other two, that night he didn't feel like burying himself beneath some roof at a random bar to be deprived from all that novelty on the ground. An insistent inclining was born within him to twirl in the city while there was nowhere to be or nothing to do in particular; and it really felt pleasing time to time to be by all means aimless. It was then when he faced his old acquaintance. Kadota had finished his daily job as well, but conversely he was leading home directly. If it was a week earlier, then they would just exchanged a 'Hey' and then skipped any more conversation naturally. But time has passed… and so their relationship wasn't any different in being affected by it. They would spoke more often recently and in the end both of them found the other party admitted in so many ways... as if they had so many things in comment that they just found out.

That night, they just grabbed two drinks from a vending machine and sat on the nearest bench to enjoy their peaceful evening while talking mindlessly. Both men were in their usual outfit, and so no one smart would across them even when if they weren't together… one known as the strongest man of the Ikebukuro, one hypostatically known as the leader of the strongest gang in the whole city. Kadota was still drinking when Shizuo has already started to smoke a cigarette while asking.

"So flea got released today, ha? Did you talk to him after that day?"

"Just on the phone… I was somehow busy these past days…"

"Hum…"

It was a simple lie; they hadn't even talked on the phone after their daubed argument. Izaya was probably thinking that Kadota was still angry at him for the way that their conversation had gone the last time… when Kadota was more angry at himself for underestimating Izaya's level of complicacy. But that didn't matter anymore, because he was determined now. On the other side, Shizuo wasn't sure about being Izaya's accessory in hiding his heath condition after all. If it was just Kadota then that could be somehow understandable, but rethinking on that twice and remembering how dangerous that could be… and also the fact that Shinra might be in the dark as well... and by a plus over flea's usual shitty suspicious attitude… it was concerning him more than necessary little by little. To begin with Izaya's existence was too harmful alone; so a crazy, like a real crazy Izaya, could've end up to apocalypse as much as he knew. But when Kadota's voice broke the temporary silent between them, he got too confused to think about the previous train of thoughts which were intercepted by his friend's unseen question.

"Do you think of me as a coward too?"

Shizuo, not sure about where was that coming from, just said with sheer bewilderment.

"What?!"

Kadota was looking at him with an upfront serious face and then said his next words with the same monotone voice which had a trail of sadness in the shadow.

"That I don't want others know about us, me and Izaya… just yet?"

Actually Shizuo had thought about it before, but he wasn't sure what he would do if he was in the same shoes… so he just answered in a half-ass attempt to comfort part of his own guilt by washing the blame of the other man.

"I… I don't think of it like that. I'm sure that you have your own reasons to-"

But then Kadota interrupted him before saying more confounding things than before.

"It's not just about being with a guy, you know? Of course it's a part of our situation… but mostly it's about being with him… to be blunt."

Of course Izaya was a flea and not a normal person… but Kadota should've known that from the start… when he let that seductive snake gets into his pants. Shizuo was getting more and more confused by him twisting the subject like that.

"I kind of don't get your point… so if you can be more specific then I might follow as well."

Kadota looked at him considering again on sharing his thoughts or not for the last time. Then he let out an exhaust sigh before answering while his eyes avoiding the other man by focusing on the can in his hands which was changing its form under constantly the pressure of his fingers.

"Every time that he asks me to tell our friends… do you know what comes to my mind? I think what if it was all a game to him… that he did all this to mess up with others, so he can just observe their damn reactions! I think what if I tell our friends and then he just… he starts laughing at me while saying that he's done with this game… and there's no more reason for us to be together… that I'm not needed anymore. I'm not sure that I can lose him at this point… not when I got this attached… and even if I was just a part of a sick hobby while he was enjoying making fun out of my heart. I know I said that I trust him… but he won't change… not for me… not for anyone else. Even though I admire him for his freedom order… yet I can't deny that his habitudes are twisted. So what if… what if he goes to the dark side eventually? He's not devil, I know that… but he's walking on the edge of valley. So can I love him even after something like that? What if he really makes me to lose my grasp over my own feelings?"

Shizuo really wanted to put his hand on the other man shoulder to at least comfort him a little; but considering his pride it wasn't wise decision to pity him when he went as far as questioning his own feelings. Both spend a brief moment of silent before Shizuo say the other name in a low unreliable tone… just to get interrupted again.

"Kado-"

"I want to do it."

Shizuo, not sure about the meaning of that, was getting little by little flustered by the way that Kadota was talking that night.

"W-what do you mean?"

Kadota looked at him with determined eyes before standing up from his place and stepping for a little while without turning back. He aimed at a trash can and threw the empty can like a shooting guard right in the hatch. Then without turning around and while his voice was getting rummaged by the over whiffing breeze, he imparted the conclusion that he had came to.

"I want everyone to know about us. Now that I'm sure he won't budge from where he's standing… so why is the hiatus? In that case, I only have to rely on my own feelings at present time… right? I want to propose him at tomorrow party. I'm aware that how dangerous it could be to surprise him like that… but I'm ready to risk everything… so that's it."

Shizuo was staring over the broad shoulders of that intent man from behind while Kadota was looking at the hollow image of pitch murkiness in the blind night while talking to him as if his words were the last confession of a martyr. He seemed completely drawn in the fidelity of his affections. The only thing that left for his blond friend was to praise his determination and then wishing him luck. But why he couldn't? Why he wasn't able to feel that? Where was the happiness from finding your friend in bless? Shizuo's right hand on the edge of the bench was about to shatter it with just the pressure of his fingers. Even though destroying his own sitting place would be beyond awkward, but Shizuo wasn't thinking of that, or it could be said that he wasn't able to think at all in that quandary moment. He couldn't get it! He had a great day until that second but all of sudden those confusing emotions were back... The breeze seemed too cold all of sudden and it was making him to shiver with every blow. Now that everyone was going to know about Izaya dating Kadota, it was as if his loneliness was being announced at the same time. But that couldn't be... jealousy in that level was just too stupid! Could it be that he was worried about Kadota because of Izaya's corrupting vibes? But wait! Wasn't that the same as if he didn't trust Kadota's decisions in that concept? Then why did he… why the hell he was fussing about all that in the first place?! Kadota was a grown man who could take care of himself... But that ominous feeling didn't make sense either!

…

…

"Hoh~ you're still here? Lucky me for having such a devoted secretary~!"

It was about ten when he reached his office, after jumping up and down in the streets more than four hours. By being imprisoned in that isolated room for about three days, he felt as if his love for humanity was getting agglomerated inside him over his absent in the society... and when he got freed from being captured by his sadist friend eventually, he couldn't help but to go and spent his time with them at his heart's content. Miraculously he hadn't any sleeping problem in neither of the both nights that he stayed there. So he was able to make up for some of his sleep depriving at his friend's house. He was extremely blithesome when Shinra had to let him go that afternoon with an unpleasant visage, because he wanted him to stay there at least one more night. But honestly his time there wasn't that bad which he pretended it was. After the first night, Shinra wasn't that stringent on his drinking or eating diet, so he was like a real guest by that time. Shinra's cooking wasn't new to him, but he found the chance of tasting a Dullahan's hand making for the first time in his life. Was it like getting reception at Valhalla? It was so amusing after all. Even though the meal didn't taste that flavorful, but he couldn't deny that it was unique in so many ways. And beside that, even though most of his assets were crashed when Shizuo had thrown them at him, he still could used his smart phone which the beast had brought it with other stuffs. It was in his jacket's pocket, so the monster neglected to throw it at him as well. So the last two days weren't that bad. And more importantly some of his relationships were getting interesting development, so he was just thrilled to the extent of holding his breathe. In the end when he had walked all the way like a hyped elementary brat to his castle, his fateful maid was there all this time while arranging things in her master's absence.

"Someone skipped three days, so I had to stay more to arrange some of his works too."

Maybe she wasn't that much of a fan of her master after all.

"Oh, and weren't you worried about that special someone?"

Izaya wasn't trying to hide his waggish side even at the least.

"I couldn't care less. And it wasn't like I didn't know where you are after Kishitani-sensi's number called the office. I didn't even have to answer to know that you got your ass kicked."

By then Izaya has reached his swirling chair with sparkling eyes which were twirling all over the place and on the pile of papers upon his desk.

"Shinra called here? He really cares about what he's doing as doctor, doesn't he? But poor him~! He had so much fun harassing me this past days… and now he went back to being the punching bag again~."

Namie ignored him like all the time that she found her employer as a stupid man who didn't deserve to get any reply from her. But then Izaya's cheery voice reached her ears again.

"Ne Namie-san, what do you think of the reason behind Sherlock Holmes's popularity?"

Namie looked at him with the eyes that were staring at a retarded person… so not bothering to think of an answer she turned back to do what she was doing on the folder scattered on the table in front of her. Izaya, already amused by what was on the show within his recondite mind, smirked nastily and replayed while sitting on his missed stance on the swirling chair.

"It's true that he has an amusing character, but it's mostly because of being put in the high light from another person's perspective… that is Watson. The most interesting thing there is that we get to know about his genius way of thinking through another human. And sure you are smart enough to see our similarities, right? I'm the private detective, genius, charming, self center and mysterious one. And you're the boring, medical involved, devoted and good listener one... Haha, actually we're too similar~!"

Namie turned around to look at him with her eyes shooting daggers. Then she sighed as if there was no choice but let him have his fun while he was talking like every little thing were amusing as hell. So she replied after a little halt.

"Even though there is some similarities… like you both don't have any friend… or your eyes are annoying as hell; but there should be some differences too. Like I'm not admiring you even a little bit… and he was a protagonist, not a sick nature antagonist!"

Izaya started laughing by hearing that. How he could be over enjoyed by receiving teasing retort time to time, was another mystery to Namie.

"Are you calling me a bad person now? Dose such a thing even exist in the first place?"

It wasn't like that he believed in humanity pure nature and didn't see worst in the people. It was simply because he didn't see any good or bad in them at the same time. Like he believed there was no action as such a good... or bad. There was just charming or tedious decisions for humans to take.

"What are you getting at?"

His eyes filled with excitement, his hand brushed over his own throat which still has a trail of nonfading bruise on it.

"Hum~, about that… What do you think of trust, Namie-san?"

Namie sneered by hearing that word coming from that man's mouth.

"So you know that word too? Funny!"

Izaya scowled this time; look like he didn't found it pleasuring to be mocked in some ways. As Namie sometimes teased him, after all he was a human himself. After a swirl on his chair, he faced outside while he could see the lights all over the city, where his humans were living their lives.

"It's even funnier that you know 'funny'. But anyway, let's don't get distract here. It could be just… a misunderstanding. Ahah~ don't take me wrong… I don't mean the function of trust itself but the real cause behind it. Why should humans, the creatures who want to survive more than any other living being, put their own chance aside and risk it because of another entity? The initial answer is their nature. They want to survive along with each other… because they found it more highly successful compared to the other ways, right? And that's the beginning of the sharing and communication. In that level it's as if they say 'I save you to save myself'... Humans had approached the social life as a route which could lead them to their survival at first; but then, when they were searching for the meaning… some of them thought that it was the prophetic purpose behind life! Was it a deadly mistake? Was it the gate of Canaan opened before them? To live for another person who is not themselves… or try to put their trust into other people… and then even think of another human's wellbeing before themselves. But isn't that why they are so~ interesting! Ah~, they always mistook what they instinctively want with what they think they want… and they can't even help it! And in the end they just look with full eagerness for someone who can share their existence with them. So if you manipulate that eager … then isn't that the same as having their trust?"

Namie was looking at him with somehow terrified manner, because she sensed something truly dangerous in that childish philosophy.

"But can't that be said about you as well? That you want to trust too?"

By hearing that, Izaya turned back her way to see her confused visage was staring back at him.

"Hum~ good point… but nothing that can't be solved in my case."

"So… why did you go through all this prolepsis? What do you want to say?"

He sprang from his chair and headed towards the shelf to an exact point to pick up something from there. Then while twisting his hands in the way started answering with less concentrate voice.

"Be patient, Namie-san~! Eagerness might be beneficent in leading you towards your goals… but that also can provide opening for your enemies to gave them chance of attacking you. Unfortunately I misjudged a certain someone and fell for that carelessly too. I should say... that someone had some important information that I was eager to know… but not only that person didn't want to hand them to me… he even went so far to threat me that he would reveal them to a third party. And it was then when I changed my strategy. He wanted something to be shared with him, and him only… it was true that he know more than enough already... but then wasn't repeating what he thought that he know the same as keeping him in the dark in such occasion? So I just offered that. I made a scene so he could deepen his beliefs on his older knowledge. And in result not only that person gave me what I requested… but he came to trust me in a way that he couldn't even think of it before~. Even unpredictable ones can be manipulate in the end... and even if it's not their usual trigger that always comes handy… whatever that is… greed, pride, envy, lust, gluttony , sloth… or maybe wrath~… Because if there is one more deadly sin that all of them are vulnerable versus it... then it's just trust."

Namie looked at him open-mouthed for some seconds before saying.

"That's too stupid. Isn't trust the real reason behind what humans have now... and a mutual thing anyway?"

Izaya was picking on a folder in his hands, looking for something to start work after his long absence. Still half there, half here, he answered his secretary who had lost her concentration over her work.

"Huh~, not distinctly. Anyone wants it for their own made up reasons so there's no need for two sided understanding. But now that our conversation reached to the mutual things… tell me… did you ever read 'The fairy tales of Hermann Hesse', Namie-san?"

Now Izaya was interested again while bringing up his face from the files in his hands with an entertained smirk on his lips, and then Namie felt that she had enough for the night and stood from her place on the dark sofa to go and grab her stuff.

"I'm not interested in fictions."

Izaya put the files on his desk, leaning on the edge to face back while pursuing her with his amused eyes.

"Uh~ yeah, and that's why you're so much of a boring human. Then that means you never heard of 'Augustus'?"

Now Namie had her phone in her hand while she was bowing down to take her purse on the other side of sofa.

"No, but I'm sure you're about to telling me."

Izaya crossed his arms on his chest, still interested in the subject while keep talking.

"Ahah~… don't be shy about things that you don't know… yet. That's an amusing story about a young man... Augustus the unfortunate human who is being loved by a wish. He's being loved by all humanity in all terms… and no, not just humans but even the entire world. They all adore him, worship him in the extent of a god. You can say that even the sun won't radiate on him in a way that might mistakenly end up to burn his delicate skin… or even the wind won't pass through his hair in a way that might frump them and disturb his glorious features. He is truly loved more than anyone else in the whole universe… but then... he is miserable. So his mother, the one who wished him this fate, takes back all her former aspires and asks the other way around. She wish for his son to fall in love, not be loved after that. He is being pushed away from his status, left all alone, putting into the jail, being forgotten, broken and loveless at the end of the day. And then he is happy, blessed and fortunate... because he can love. He loves all humanity… and no, not just humanity but even the entire world."

Namie standing in the middle of room with a confused face by hearing fairy tales from his obsessed boss. Her serious visage not changing while Izaya was babbling and enjoying the sound of his own voice.

"So...?!"

"I was thinking of how fortunate I am. I love humanity so~ much already... without anyone wishing that for me~!"

He turned back again to reach the files on his desk and maybe going to work this time, when he heard Namie who said in a mocking tone.

"But you are loveless too!"

Izaya flipping some pages while he knew that Namie could hear his low voice along those rustling sounds.

"Not really. I guess that it comes to me in the end anyway. Someone is trying to dedicate their pure affection towards me in a friendly party tomorrow. But it's more like if he's trying to surprise me by a public proposal~. Can you believe that romantic ones didn't completely extinct in this era?!"

Namie, who was confused in so many ways now, came back from the half way towards the exit door.

"And you're going to let them do that?!"

Izaya sitting in his place turned on all the system around him while answering in meanwhile.

"Hum~ I wasn't a fan of serious relationships before... and they seemed too bothersome. But I just changed my mind recently and then I might provoked him a little too much… But hey, it could be interesting after all~! You can come if you want too. Your freak of brother is there as well. But it's the Dullahan's sanctuary… and there is some others too… so if you want to come, it's better to change your appearance. Yeah, I think blond wig will be good on you~!"

Namie was a little amused too. She wanted to see who was that poor guy who fell head over the heels for some bastard like Izaya... but then the real reason behind her interest in the whole party thing was the tiny mention of her little brother. She was back inside so she just reached over the Izaya's desk and put her palms on the edge while looking straight at her boss.

"You compared yourself with many others today. Do you want to hear my opinion as well?"

Izaya turned her way again while a grin was playing on his gorgeous lips.

"Oh~, so you read some fictions too?"

Namie leaned down a little more so her long hair was about to reach from the sides on the desk.

"I just read Odyssey and Iliad as bedtime stories for my dear Seiji when he was a little kid."

"Wow, are you about to compare my marvelous brain with great Odysseus?"

Namie was getting a little frustrated by Izaya's incessant interruptions.

"No, if there is a character similar to you in the current case... then it would be Helen."

But then again.

"Ah, as the goddess of beauty?! You're flattering me~."

Then she stepped back while staring right through Izaya. Her eyes were too serious to take her next words as a joke. Then she turned silently and left Izaya to leave the place. After that she just said her last words while heading towards the door in her usual monotone cruel voice.

"No, as a wrecked person who if someone falls in love with them… cities might be destroyed as a result."

By the ending of that sentence, the sound of the door getting closed with a careless forceful push filled the whole building. Izaya stayed in his place and left the room dormant for some seconds while looking at the path that Namie had disappeared. Then he stood again and head towards his play board on the coffee table. His visage changed while his lips tilted up and all that glory twist into the most venturesome features which a human face can ever contain. While stooping in a slow motion towards the board, his habit of talking to himself come out.

"But isn't that fun too? Because if I'm Helen… and Dotachin is my coward Paris; then it's would be hilarious if Shizu-chan will be the golden Achilles in our role play. That way even a weakling as my lovesick slave... can bring down such a monster."

Then he flipped the king on the board with his index finger to overturn the throne...

…

…

**Shizuo: Who did you compare with Juliet in the title?**

**Raviza: Hum~, it was Izaya-san of course! And the original idea is from Lorca, with a real complicated meaning behind it...**** let's don't go there! Anyway, this chapter became a remembrance of greats ****somehow****. I hope that you enjoyed it at the end dear readers~.**

**Izaya: Calling me 'ice queen' and 'stone'? It's not fair~! I have soft spot too.  
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**Raviza: Oh~, really?!  
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**Shizuo: Huh, he's probably talking about his skin!  
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**Raviza: Eh! But how do you know about the quality of his skin?**

**Izaya: Isn't that obvious? Because he's a perv~.  
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**Raviza: I didn't hear that! Ok… dear readers thanks for your support… please review and give me more motivation through your praises~ ;D  
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**…**

**P.S: ****Oho~ ****NessaTheSinner-san XD**** Comparing them with foods was so ****cute~~~... and ****nasty~ by the way. Thanks a lot my dear friend. I was so happy after reading your review… like WoW, people like what I wrote! They like it! But... I have bad news this time :| I'm going to take a break by writing a little slower for awhile because of my exams… pretty fatal! Anyway I won't stop now… I can't stop writing now! So the next update will take a little longer, but at most two weeks… I hope! So stay with me my dear friends :)**


	10. Rabbit, the runner

Chapter ten:

**Rabbit, the runner**

…

It felt stupidity nice to be at home. A half dark, silent and cozy cave is a befitting shelter that everyone can enjoy it time to time. So even the raven, who claimed to be a god could felt content to be at his palace. Whistling a song while going through the files, when he was doing some actual work wasn't half bad. Then whistling singsong fully while making a coffee in the middle of the night, when he was working all along. Then whistling while leaning on his expensive sofa and jiggling his legs in the air playfully just like a wanton child he was; and when he was doing more work and drinking the coffee that he has just made… sound like a calmative night. After Namie had left the place, he was doing more than the entire work that he would do in a whole week. There was no doubt that he was a workaholic person… but actually he was a maniac workaholic person, so it didn't contain the tasks that he didn't enjoy in his unique way. But that night he felt strangely light headed in some level that he wanted to occupy himself in any possible way. After all, his humans were resting in that hour after midnight while getting ready for tomorrow to be interesting subjects on his chess board. On the other hand it was just a calm boring night like that… until a knock on the door has stolen his attention and muffled away his singing whistles.

He stayed silent for a moment while glaring at the way which sound just came from there. Someone was didn't care enough to show up in front of his apartment door at that hour who didn't use the door bell. But no client would barge there in such a time, and anyone would be using the ring so if the insider was sleep it could wake them up, not just going through with a light knock on the door. That stupid considerately even though he was there in that hour to begin with just left one as suspect. It has to be Kadota. Izaya tossed the papers in his hand on the table and stood to march towards the door. When he opened the door he saw Kadota who was standing there patiently. They stared at each other for some seconds before the intruder asks.

"Can I come inside?"

Izaya looked at him silently before answering in a cold monotone voice.

"Why not? Come in."

Then he stepped aside while his left hand was still on the door and opened a passage for his guest to come in. When they were inside, Kadota could see the pile of papers around the house… on the table, desk, sofa, on the floor, and on the some other furniture. He couldn't help but to dislike it when he saw his boyfriend's house was look like anything but a house. It was just a damn office with a lot of luxurious stuffs which were crammed in that place, not that all of them could replete that huge ass apartment. Izaya didn't ask him to sit so he didn't bother to look for a place on all that papers and just lean next to the sofa for that instance. Izaya headed to the kitchen before pointing out the coffeemaker while grabbing some files that he had left next to it.

"Do you want some coffee too?"

Kadota shake his head lightly.

"No, I can't sleep with that."

Kadota was staring at him while Izaya was looking at the papers in his hands like he was about to go back to what he was doing before the other's appearance. But then Kadota's voice made him to look up again at the other man.

"You came right here. I was hoping that you would've called me at least."

Izaya headed to his desk while closing the folder in his hand and putting it on top of some other papers there.

"I had a lot of work after skipping for three days… so I was just taking care of some of them."

Kadota looked around almost annoyed before saying.

"I can see."

But then it was as if the both of them were trying to avoid of bringing up the whole situation that end up to them at each other throat. But it was more like if Kadota had enough of fighting and Izaya enjoyed ignoring the matter verbally when he could show them through his acts. Both looked at each other in the dormant room for some seconds. Kadota seemed about to call it off and says something similar to 'So if you're so busy, I won't bother you.' like his usual considerate self. But then his right hand reached almost anxiously to his beanie and took it off from his head before sighing as the last effort of changing his mind. And then he stepped forward towards the other man.

"Can't you do it another time? I really want to spend the night with you."

Izaya's eyebrow arched up in bewilderment. So his face go through a mixture of unbelieving and excitement. It was actually and truthfully the first time… the first and only time that this man was asking for his company in such a way. It wasn't like that Kadota didn't desired him ever before; but he always was the gentleman type who let the invitation comes from the receiver party. And then despite being manly and caring all the time, he never was eager or kinky in anyway. Even if sometimes he would start kissing the other man, then he would just stop in the exact moment that he felt his lover was asking for some privacy. Izaya had done that a lot of time on purpose and it was always resulted in the same way. Whenever he had showed that he wants some space, then Kadota would provide his wish instantly.

But then when the taller man was just some steps farther from him, his eyes were looking at his beloved so hungrily as if he would've done him right there if he ignores his request at that point. When Izaya didn't say a word while looking at the other man amusingly; Kadota reached closer to put about one step between them. By the other man marching towards him, the informant absentmindedly took one step back, but there was nowhere to go and his own obstacle desk was there to block his path. So when there was no way to budge in that point, he took a disturb glance over the other man. That kind face which he knew for so many years seemed somehow threatening to him in that circumstance. On the other side Kadota was completely calm and straight forward in the meanwhile. Izaya parted his lips before making sure what to say to save his composure while don't blow such a rare opportunity. He glared right into the other man's brown eyes while his face not showing any trial of his usual mockery.

"But then you didn't drop by or call either… for two days."

Kadota didn't answer instantly. Was Izaya affected by his avoiding demeanor? Or it was just his wishful thinking? Shizuo was right… despite all little he knew about their situation. Kadota has avoided Izaya for the past days to think over the things and presumably reaching his conclusion while not getting distracted by the other's provoking all the time. But then he was just escaping from all that was in front of him. What he wanted… what he adored the most in the world… which was this man who would never be completely him… but he was receptive enough to play all sort of games now and then, which were involving him in so many ways. So what if he plays along with him? What if he lets this man to capture his heart and enjoy what he can make out of him? Kadota looked at him silently for a long pause then he just put his right hand on the other's jaw; his fingers reached under his ear and touched it briefly. His left hand which was still covered under white bandages went on a travel to its destination on the other's waist. Izaya tried to don't shudder by the tickle of that slow caress. Then while their eyes were glaring resolutely into each other, Kadota brushed his thumb slightly over the soft velvety lower lip of the man in front of him and while his breath was tickling his sensitive skin.

"Can I?"

He was asking for a kiss but as if he was beseeching for the entire night. Izaya hold his breath momentary and gulped almost nervously… but then wishfully. A nasty shallow smirk covered his face but it was more a happy look of a kid who got his toy back by being forgiven after a detention coming up from his own misbehaved manner.

It wasn't as if he was spying on Kadota. He just knew, because he was the one how provoked him that way. The exact moment that Kadota has accepted Shinra's invitation; he knew what he was thinking. So if Kadota wanted to play the role of crazy in love man, then he should give up on something in return. And it was the risk of losing his beloved by proposing him in front of all of their friends… when he was the one who always asked playfully to announce their relationship. It was either Kadota was showing how dominant he could be or just simply enjoying the last chance of being with his beloved one… because less than next twenty four hours, he would end up having this man wholly as his… or he has just nothing by then.

Both of the slim man's hands which were on the edge of his desk and saving his balance a moment ago, departed from it and reached to the other one's sides of face. Then using the other build structure as a supporting pillar, he stood almost on his toes to decrease the distance between them even more. Then his voice came out like always teasingly while a low sneer could be heard through it.

"Be my guest."

After hushing that, he nipped his own lower lip seductively. His hands went through the other's hairs while caressing them passionately. His back was arching a little atop of his desk, when the other bowed slightly to put their lips into a latch lock. Their heads slant a little so their lips could match more on the other one.

Izaya knew a lot about human's relationships; but he never had played that role himself. Thereupon he thought 'So it is like this to be in the spotlight?'… One party would start tightening their grip after a while. Not that it was a surprise, but then Izaya thought for a moment at that point 'Would Dotachin becomes some sort of stalker, if I broke up with him all of sudden?'… He kind of was so daring to risk all the progresses that they had, just to play with the other raven in a new scenario from that point. But then Kadota was so dear to him… he was his dear personal plaything and he had a lot of other plans that he was interested in playing them. And also Kadota had an unforeseen side that he was showing a lot recently. Was it because there was someone aware of what they had…? Or because their time together was going out of hand… or maybe it was just because the other one was no one other than an unpredictable protozoan. But Izaya didn't care that much. It was getting more and more amusing to be surprised by him, when he always had acted according to his predictions. But then… if that man was getting so much into it and that thing was really the pure affection of human's heart; then there should be some kind of cognition at that point. So the question was… how much Kadota actually knew about him?

But then an act from the other man brought him back to the earth. Kadota didn't have that much of fetish to begin with… but then most of the time that they kissed, he would nipped his lower lip before going down to kiss all the way on his jaw and then to put more kisses on the sensitive skin of his lover's neck. A boyish smirk formed on Izaya's delicate lips, making his face half ominous, half propitious. Nimble lips were attacking his pale and here and there bruised skin already, when the wetness of other's tongue made him shudder all of sudden. Kadota was truly aggressive that night to lick him like that at the beginning.

He actually didn't mind that at all and he was happy in some way for having the other man there. It was getting worsened more and more to spend his time alone. As if he was seeking for some sort of company unconsciously. He would've never admitted that, but staying around people was helping him in some extent. There was no sign of sleepwalking for more than a weak and then he couldn't help but to reach to such conclusion that it was because he never had been left alone by himself. He had never heard of something like that could be effective, but anyway it seemed to be working in his case. So albeit he had faked one for Shizuo to make him brings down his guard and trusts his nemesis in some way… but after all he didn't want to go through another somnambulating just for closing his eyelids out of exhaustion.

About the things that happened at Shizuo's house… it was all just an act as he told Namie. At first his somnambulism didn't look too troublesome and he was just walking around his house and moving tiny objects sometimes. But little by little he started going out of his house, doing more complicated tasks and even started to communicate with people after awhile… and then not remembering any of that by waking up. So he started tracking down his own acts by using his GPS and recording his sound at nights. But that night about a week earlier, when he encountered with Shizuo, he had broken his phone in the middle of that dustup and lost some important information. And then his plan to make Shizuo opens his mouth was a disastrous defeat at the end. So that night he was too tired and frustrated, and when he lied down for a second and closed his eyes on that sofa in his archenemy's home, he fell asleep instantly… but then it wasn't a real sleep. It was like one of those rare experiences of scientists, when they go through some sort of rapture while miraculously finding out the solution of an unsolvable problem in their dream. He found the answer there as well.

So not wasting any second he got to the Shizuo's bedroom, where the beast was sleeping in his snuggery and making some uncomfortable sounds. What was he dreaming about? Then he just rose up on the bed and sat behind the blond. He wasn't sure what to do even at that point. First of all he couldn't remember any of that he had done in the last time that they had faced, so he could repeat that in some way. But after a little halt, he just decided to go by his instincts… even though it was something that beasts do.

He trailed Shizuo's hands, one under his shirt and the other locked in his hairs touching himself like a deprived teddy bear who was suffering from loneliness. It was a sad gesture; not that Izaya would pity him. But then it was so awkward, because it wasn't sexually in anyway and was just like the act of a forgotten child who was craving for motherly caresses. But If Freud was right, so what was the difference anyway? But then he noticed that he could read through that man perfectly. He was suffering from what he knew it very well. That beast was afraid of what he was familiar with it very precisely. He felt disgusted by understanding that person, that monster, as if he was himself. To found out that what was eating him from inside was in that protozoan too.

He let go of him momentary to rest his left hand on the other's shoulder. Blond one was still dreaming while the sounds he was making became more and more like aroused moans in the meanwhile. Was he getting excited by his touches? A feeling mix of loathe and excitement filled the raven by that thought. And then he did what he thought was good enough to provoke the savage beast in the passage that he wanted. He pierced his switchblade into his neck with a slow movement but then when Shizuo's elbow landed on his ribcage and made him flight to the back wall behind him. That swift act got him by complete shock. So when Shizuo turned on the light and stared at him with sheer bewilderment at him, that confused face that he made wasn't an artificial one. But then a moment before losing his consciousness, he remembered the actual point behind what was he doing there. So he let that animal to hear him while calling him by his real name… 'Monster'.

Then again when Kadota nipped his left earlobe, he came back to his senses from remembering what he had gone through in the past days. He let go of a soft moan by that. Kadota's touches that night were more eagerly than anyone had ever touched him in his entire life. He had already started gasping repeatedly without noticing it. Not that Kadota mind that, he was touching him attentively all along. But then Izaya wasn't that different either and he was getting coveted for more of those addicting warm touches.

Izaya blow out a moisture breath which keeping that was making it hard for him to breathe naturally. Kadota began to kissing his neck again, while napping it some here and some there… until he couldn't endure it anymore. Without asking for permission, he just reached down and grabbed Izaya's shirt to take it off over his head in one rush motion. While pushing Izaya more towards the desk and making him to arch his back, he tossed the shirt out of reach on the floor. Then he just started kissing him more hungrily while down on a trail on that skinny form and put some sharp kisses on his chest. Then he came up again until their lips found each other and pushing against each other hard as if they were grasping over the last chance of being friendly. Their hands sliding through each other hairs, dragging a fistful of it while kissing the other raven breathlessly. Kadota's right leg found its way between Izaya's thighs, which made him to gasp momentary in the other's mouth by such a shocking move. His legs losing the power to stand up anymore, he started sliding slightly next to the desk. Kadota's right hand tugged under his shoulder to lift him up in his place from stumbling down more than that, before whispering.

"Let's go to the bedroom."

…

…

Was that a dream again? That man… it was himself… on top of an unknown building… while murmuring a song through a low whistling sound which was audible enough. He was standing about the exit door and behind him in a direction that he couldn't see him. The man was marching on the edge of the roof before getting silent all of sudden. Then he twisted on his heels while sliding down to let his body sat on the eaves and his legs hanged down on the edge. After that his eyes stared at the far distance, where his mind hadn't made any picture for the sake of the dream. The beams which were coming from an inexistence sun, were hitting right into his shadow's face, making his features unrecognizable. Then while the other raven man was ignoring his existence again, he started whistling in that familiar rhythm again. And not long after that, he began singing on the same melody with monotone voice which was coming to his ears as if it was echoing through a long cave and hitting so many walls.

**"Turtles are running… so fleeting… so fast,**

**And I'm stuck in a dark swamp of my golden past.**

**I'm lilting… Lilting,**

**Such a rootless song to fill my heart with sorrow blast…"**

On the other side of the bed, Kadota was looking at him confusingly even though the admiration in his eyes was still in place. Izaya was repeating that melody in reality and murmuring it while getting time to time quiet and then starting again. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with dazed blank eyes and a fazed grin could be seen on his lips in that mostly dark room. Kadota started leaning forward while putting his weight on his right palm so he could take a better look on him. Then he slightly sighed before murmuring.

"What's with this sad song?"

He dragged his own body a little farther to put his left hand over the other's chest from behind. Then without putting so much force into it and more like guiding him; he brought the other man to his former place on the bed next to him. The sleeping man didn't resist or didn't even seemed as if he had noticed that he was driven to change his position. And when his head rested on the pillow, Kadota saw Izaya's languished eyes which weren't even looking at him, gotten closed some seconds later. He chuckled by that and then put his hand over his boyfriend shoulder slowly to don't disturb his sleep now that he was in the right place beside him. Their faces were just some inches away from each other. Then while eyeing his lover's ideally features from a close distance, Kadota said in a low sweet tone.

"It doesn't' matter if you're running or slacking… I'm going to follow you forever."

Then he put a delicate kiss on the other's forehead before closing his eyes and walking into the dreamland, while he had his beloved in his bosom.

…

…

- Some hours earlier -

Shizuo looked up finally to see Kadota who was standing in front of him silently while still staring into the darkness silently. He stood from his place on the bench while breathing in poison smoke into his untouchable lungs. He was annoyed in so many ways, so he just wanted to leave there as soon as possible. But then Kadota had opened his heart for him and saying things that he probably never had told anyone before. He had his own can in his left hand. So while heading towards the trash can, he began talking without facing the other man.

"I can guess what kind of bastard he is to be in relationship with. He is probably from the kind who crawl all the way to reach you, sweet talking by all that shitty sneaky behaviors of them… and then when you just take one step towards them… they just pull back…. acting all offended and innocent all of sudden. If that's so… then you just have to go ahead more steps to corner them before they found the chance to retreat thoroughly, right? And anyway, I don't know what made you to want come out now… but I think it's really great that you made up your mind and have the courage to face things. And I'm sure surprising or not… he would be genuinely happy, despite all the annoying reactions that he might show on the surface… because I think that he really cares about you too."

Kadota has turned back and was looking at him with somehow happily but shocked face. Then Shizuo continued the rest of his advice in a growling tone.

"And don't worry… if he crosses that line, then I shall kill him with my own hands."

Kadota retorted almost hastily before some giggling.

"And how is the last part suppose to make me feel better?!"

Although his face was still colored by pain, but then he managed to smiled kindly to say his next words almost teasingly.

"But… it looks like you two started getting along, didn't you? We-hate-each-other-for-eternity-guys!"

Shizuo, who was still standing next to the trash can, growled by hearing that annoying comment.

"Shut up. I still believe that he's a blood sucking flea! You should be happy that I'm letting him live on your account for now."

Kadota just chuckled lightly again not feeling any danger by being inside of that man's anger field. Then he straightened up his body as a way of loosening up some of the tension over his form.

"Thanks Shizuo. Not for that… for listening to me. I really didn't know who else I can go to talk."

Shizuo inhaled hard another tone of smoke before stepping towards the street.

"Just spill it out already then you will find so many ears… then you even can't chose which one to go for complaining about your crazy boyfriend."

Kadota smiled brightly by hearing such an upright answer after all his whines into that man's ears. Then Shizuo said his farewell before leaving him there.

"Take care."

Still smiling, he nodded at the blond who was parting from him in the meanwhile and even though he wasn't looking back at him.

"Yeah… you too."

Shizuo didn't know what that feeling was… and thinking of all that complicated emotions was just making him fury in result. But then he was sure of one thing. What he wanted was that this relationship to end. It was because he hated the flea or he was just jealous of them… he didn't know himself. So he began murmuring while stomping over the streets all his way back to his home. Because he thought that now he found the wise answer at that point. He should stay away from those two for better or worse… and before it getting out of hand. So he began into the mantra.

"Stay away- Stay away- Stay away- Stay away- Stay away- St-"

…

…

**Kadota: Yo, guys.**

**Raviza: OH! OH! OH! You're really here?! You're so sweet Dotachin! Damn, I'm falling in love with you~ XD**

**Izaya: She's really stupid. You're the one writing this.**

**Shizuo: Don't mind fleas, kid… You can fall in love with whoever you want. Yo, Kadota.**

**Kadota: Hey Shizuo, don't say weird things to her! I'm devoted to another person.**

**Izaya: Why I have to be with a bunch of idiots?!**

**Kadota: Maybe you are one after all…?!**

**Izaya: Let's divorce!**

**Raviza: Ahaha~! He really wants to marry you, Dotachin~ ;D Thanks for your time my dear readers … and please review~.**

**…**

**P.S: Hi again dear friends XD here is an update after all. I wanted to update this chapter sooner but then I felt that I should apply some edit on the former chapters before doing so… then I lazily left that for another time! Anyhow… I hope you like the story until now~. And thanks a lot dear NessaTheSinner~! Haha… I'm just relieved that it has ended finally. You too my friend~, good luck :)**


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